Cena Nuff

Frustrated Incorporated.

2010-11-15T08:04:00.000-06:00

Hey kids, Brian here. The ol' blog has kind of gone by the wayside as of late -- we have/had plans to expand this blog into a full-blown news site of our very own, but life has gotten in the way and it's not off the ground yet. But I have a little wrestling-related frustration to vent about, and with nowhere else to really put it, I figured I'd throw it here.

My problem, once again, is with WWE. And before we start, I'm just as frustrated at TNA these days, so it's not my TNA-bias at work. What it is, is an upcoming main event that's left me baffled. Next week, at one of the big 4 PPVs of the year, the company's biggest star is going to be the referee. Okay, I suppose I could live with that, he's still involved in the main event. But let's dissect this Barrett - Cena - Orton thing, shall we?

John Cena lost to Barrett, and was forced to join Nexus. Check. As a part of "being a member of Nexus," Cena has to do Barrett's bidding. A little bit of a stretch, as the others aren't nearly as subservient to him, but okay, check. Now Barrett has a title shot against Randy Orton, and Cena will be his referee. I don't know who gave Barrett the authority to name his own referees, but... okay, I'll bite. Check. Now, if Cena doesn't make 100% sure that Barrett leaves that match with the title, Cena will be guilty of "not following orders," which means he's not living up to his end of the deal as a member of Nexus, and he'll be subsequently fired.

HOLD UP.

Last time I checked, Wade Barrett was not the anonymous GM. Where in the blue hell did Barrett get the authority to not only name his own personal referee for a title match, but declare right out in front of God and everybody that that referee has to cheat for him? Why, in any realm of existence, would the GM stand idly by and watch something like "you will cheat for me, or you will be fired" and act like it's okay?

Furthermore -- in what realm of existence would John Cena have ANY reason to feel bad about screwing Randy Orton? Do we forget that Orton's the one who punted Cena Sr. in the SKULL? Tried to out-and-out MURDER his father?

Yes, yes we do.

So John Cena is supposed to choose between (A) cheating to help get the title from one person he's never gotten along with onto another, which will let him keep his job AND be free of his shackles with Nexus AND more than likely set up a Cena-Barrett title match sooner than later, or (B) uphold the honor and integrity of the WWE Title by sacrificing his entire career to keep it out of Barrett's hands (for now). And they're basing an entire Big 4 Pay-Per-View Main Event on this shit?

So in one company, you get this, and in another, you get another tired retread of the NWO, with Jeff Hardy carrying around a new belt that looks even worse than the Divas Title. Man, being a wrestling fan SUCKS right now.

- Brian

PS -- concerning "Old School Raw" tonight. WHY TONIGHT?! Tonight is the go-home show for said PPV. Putting this "old school Raw" on tonight means that one of two things is going to happen. One, an idea which COULD be completely and totally magical and emotional and flat-out awesome on so many levels will be compromised by sharing time with the storylines that lead into this PPV. Or two, the go-home show for the PPV will have nothing to do with the PPV. Couldn't they have found another night far away from PPV hype that could have been used to put on this show totally free from the normal canon? Le sigh. Old School Raw will either be really special, or really stupid. And basing it on the last couple years of WWE programming, I'm leaning towards the latter.

Snitsky in a Clown Costume.

2010-06-03T15:58:00.000-05:00

There's no news to be had here. It's just Gene Snitsky in a clown costume, courtesy of his twitter account.

You're welcome! :D

R-Truth Keeps His Pimp Hand STRONG.

2010-05-28T13:36:00.000-05:00

During last week's Over The Limit pay-per-view, Ted DiBiase suffered a concussion.

When R-Truth slapped him across the face.

According to people who claim to know what they're talking about, DiBiase was slated to blame Virgil for his loss that night, but because of Ron's Pimp Hand Of Steel and Ted's concussed brain, they "called an audible." We can expect to see Ted kept out of the ring for a few weeks for his head to recover.

COLD-BLOODED.

Cuttin' Their Losses

2010-05-25T20:16:00.003-05:00

Yep, I posted it.

It appears as if Dixie Carter will be practicing her Vince McMahon voice within the coming weeks. TNA is rumored to be preparing to release upwards of 15 - 20 superstars as part of a large cost cutting initiative. This news comes off the heels of TNA's decision to move back to Thursday nights.

In a radio interview on Monday, Jeremy Borash spoke about the rumored initiative. He had this to say when asked about the roster cuts.

"I don't know if you look at it as roster cuts. You don't say anything or we don't hear anything about when we spend more money to hire people. When you say 'roster cuts,' it obviously invokes an 'oooh' kind of feeling to it," Borash said. "At the same time, we have 60-something people under contract, so I think it's a natural evolution of business. Sometimes you do have to trim the fat. The programs are being written differently where less people are being featured more prominently."

I've heard better spin doctoring from Miss Cleo.

Hulk Hogan has a documented distaste for lighter competitors, so it would be assumed that a large portion of the X-Division is in danger of losing their jobs. One can only hope that those who have tenure in the company can weather this latest storm.

STUPID, STUPID... STUPID!

2010-05-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

RKOwned.

During last night's "Rated RKO Explodes" edition of WWE Over The Limit, Randy Orton dislocated his right shoulder... by punching the mat.

Okay, so it's likely that it was hurt earlier in the match and pounding the mat just exacerbated the problem (and it's also likely that I just went out of my way to use the word "exacerbated"), but still. That's almost on the level of Vince tearing his quad walking to the ring at the Rumble 05.

Okay, but for real? Randy Orton is amazing. When he was in Evolution, I thought of him as nothing more than a big cocky frat boy and I wanted him to disappear. When he finally shaved his head, got some tattoo sleeves, and started getting all crazy, it was a 180º turnaround and I've been on board ever since. I'm glad that it was "only" a separated shoulder, as that seems to be a relatively minor injury -- but let's hope that's all it is, and Randy can get back to kicking people in the skull and being awesome before we realize he was gone.

Michael Benoit Trashes Linda's Senate Campaign

2010-05-19T13:03:00.000-05:00

The Hartford Courant has today published this article written by Michael Benoit, father of the late Chris Benoit, arguing against Linda McMahon's bid for one of Connecticut's U.S. Senate seats. In the article, Benoit claims, quite simply, that nobody should support McMahon's campaign because of what happened to his son, and the way she's using what amounts to blood money to support her campaign. Today, I'd like to do a point-counterpoint on Mr. Benoit's concerns.

Watching from afar, I've observed with interest the U.S. Senate campaign in Connecticut because of my experiences with Linda McMahon and her business, World Wrestling Entertainment. While she spends millions of dollars earned through her professional wrestling empire to flood Connecticut's airwaves and mailboxes promoting her Republican candidacy, state voters should know there is another side to McMahon and the WWE.

My son, Chris Benoit, 40, was one of WWE's top superstars. In June 2007, our lives changed dramatically, when he tragically killed his wife, son and himself. The press jumped on steroids as the cause of his actions. But tests showed that brain damage in the form of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, not steroids, was responsible for our loss. CTE, caused by repetitive trauma to the brain, can bring on serious disorders such as a loss of emotional control, addictions to drugs and alcohol, depression, aggressive and violent behavior.

Firstly, let's not get it twisted. Christopher Michael Benoit, the man, the human being, did not kill himself and his family. Chris Benoit, the mentally-ill-from-amityville brain damaged humanoid monster was the killer. This is not to excuse what happened, it's just my own firm belief that were it not for his state of mind / brain damage / mental illness, Chris Benoit, in his right mind, would have never done what he did. I also believe that had he still had Eddie Guerrero in his life, he would have remained more balanced.

Most people view wrestling as fake and the McMahon family pushed that theory to avoid regulation. But in its lust for higher ratings and dollars, WWE began demanding that performers use more weapons and dangerous stunts in wrestling matches. Although matches are rigged and scripted, the harsh physical abuse in the form of blunt force steel chair shots to the head and power bombs through tables onto cement floors are real. I believe that this change in the industry is responsible for the majority of deaths it experienced in the last 20 years.

Another WWE wrestler, Andrew Martin, was 33 when he died. What did Andrew Martin have in common with my son? He was one of many of McMahon's former wrestlers who died prematurely, and he was the second wrestler to have his brain examined for signs of CTE after death. Martin had the same shocking brain damage as my son. The human skull is not designed to withstand and protect the brain from the abuse the McMahon's insisted their wrestlers endure. Yet, since the late '80s, these are the matches into which the McMahon's have pushed their talent.

Again, let's not get it twisted -- nobody held a gun to these men's heads. They were there of their own volition, in their OWN quest for money and fame and notoriety, taking risks and doing things that any half-educated idiot could tell were dangerous. And hurt. ALSO, let's not forget that Chris probably did his swandive headbutt finisher thousands of times in WCW and ECW, in the latter of which he participated in far more gruesome and harrowing matches than WWF/E ever allowed even at their peak of "Attitude."

USA Today in 2004 published research stating that wrestlers are 20 times more likely to die before the age of 45 than are pro football players. What has the McMahon family done to make pro wrestling safer? They will spend up to $50 million to get Linda elected to a position where she could head off any effort to regulate their business.

The WWE and Linda McMahon evade any responsibility for the early deaths that their industry suffers at an astronomical rate. After the Martin tests were completed, I sought to educate the McMahons about the scientific findings on brain trauma and how their wrestling stunts could cause this serious and fatal health issue. They were having none of it. It was clear, the McMahons were more interested in making hundreds of millions of dollars at the expense of these wrestlers, whom they regard as little more than circus animals to be ridden until their value expires.

Which is exactly why they do things like offer to foot the entire bill for any current or former employee who needs rehab for chemical/substance abuse, eh? Or why they've gone back to the PG rating, banned chairshots to the head, even banned bleeding which is a longtime staple of professional wrestling?

On CNN in 2007, Vince McMahon, Linda's husband, said they had stopped wrestlers from smashing each other's heads with chairs. That practice, however, was not ended until January of this year — scores of "head shots" later. There are still all sorts of weapons and stunts that the McMahons use to equally dangerous effect. For a sport that is "fake," there is an all too disturbing reality.

A reality that every grown-ass man on that roster knows about before they walk in and accept the paycheck. I'm not saying it's not dangerous. I'm just saying these men (and women) know what they're getting into, and choose to live the lifestyle.

You might say that these young wrestlers make their own choices, and that is true. And the McMahons entice them with prospects for fame, wealth and glory that few achieve. If this were any other business or sport, there would be congressional hearings and laws passed to reform this dirty and dangerous enterprise. The McMahons have steadfastly held that wrestlers are just independent contractors and not entitled to health care benefits, pensions or unionization to represent their best interests.

I will grant you that one. I don't really believe in the "independent contractor" thing, especially since these guys sign contracts to perform exclusively with WWE. But at the same time, can you imagine the cost of health care for these guys? The premiums alone would be incredible. And I don't see anybody in that billion dollar industry tearing a quad and NOT going to the best sports surgeon in the world, Dr. James Andrews. Vince knows how to take care of his talent.

This is how Linda McMahon made the money she uses for her Senate race. This is how she ran her business. This is the true character behind the fancy, Hollywood advertisements. I pray the people of Connecticut do not allow her to buy her way into the world's most distinguished legislative body.

I'm not even going to touch how the "world's most distinguished legislative body" has been mired by scores of sex scandals, fraud, and general ridiculousness. Am I completely wrong, or aren't there limits on the amount of personal money one can use in a campaign? I don't believe Linda's "buying" her way into anything - no matter how much money she has, she still has to get people to vote for her. Donald Trump has billions, but he's batshit crazy and so is anyone who would vote him into anything.

Look, Mr. Benoit, I understand that you're frustrated about what happened to your son, and looking for answers. I know that it's easy to point to the McMahons as enablers to the lifestyle that your son participated in and that ultimately led to his murder-suicide tragedy. But Chris has to be responsible for Chris. Whether he was in his right mind or not, he's the one who chose to do what he did. And he's the one who chose his lifestyle, and continued to choose to do it until his brain became as damaged as it was. I, too, am sad at the incredible death rate of those who participate in the professional wrestling industry, but I don't blame the promoters or the owners of the companies for their deaths. Nobody's sitting them down shoving pills down their throats or telling them they can't walk away from the business. Look at Dwayne Johnson, who parlayed his monumental success as "The Rock" into a semi-lucrative movie career. Look at Matt Striker, who stuck with the business in an on-screen announcer role rather than withstand the physical toils of the ring. Look at John Cena who, hate his character as I may, works a safe style and takes care of himself and his opponents. I don't know much about Linda's campaign and/or what platform she's running on, but if you want to tear her down for that, fine. But don't label her as evil because your son couldn't handle the business.

Call off the Oscar race... NOW.

2010-05-13T10:44:00.002-05:00

Not Pictured: Dramatic David Caruso Shades Removal Scene

OMG. OMG OMG OMG. Check out this trailer and how incredibly craptastic this movie looks! Sheriff Angle pursuing Zombie Nash and Zombie Sid? On what looks to be a Blair Witch budget? We may have just found the single worst wrestlers-in-a-movie ever.

(If embed doesn't work, go here.)

Is it wrong of me to be so geeked out about such a potentially horrendous movie?

Push it back, Shove it back, Waaaaay back!

2010-05-13T10:26:00.002-05:00

According to well-placed sources at tnawrestlingnews.com, Jeff Hardy's court date has once again been delayed. A few days ago, he appeared in the Moore County courthouse with his lawyer and was once again able to delay his trial, this time to June 3. And I, for one, hope it gets delayed one more time -- I'm more than likely going to a TNA house show on June 5, and I want to see Jeff Hardy, dammit!

I mean, really. Intent to sell? The guy's made some huge bank with WWE, why in the world would he have any reason to sell drugs? It does not make sense! In fact, here's how I imagine the trial going down in my head:

Awesome Jeff Hardy Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Asshole State Prosecutor: Damn it!... He's using the Chewbacca defense!

Awesome Jeff Hardy Lawyer: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a world renowned Professional Wrestling superstar, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

And then the Judge lets him off. Cause, I mean, really. IT DOES NOT. MAKE. SENSE.

Lend me some Sugah! I am yo' neighbor!

2010-05-11T16:58:00.003-05:00

Ashlee and I were JUST talking about this last night.

According to f4wonline, Gregory Helms' 90-day no-compete is up sometime this month. And, as many have suspected, he already has a verbal agreement through Jeff Hardy with TNA. Word has it he'll just go by his WCW moniker, Shane Helms, and there's apparently been talk of a stable with he, Jeff, Shannon Moore, and Jesse Neal.

You know, I don't even care that TNA's roster is already overloaded with people. Sugar Shane is my boy. I've been waiting for years to see him and Shannon team up again, and it might finally happen!

I... I think I just squealed.

So the PG rating is just overcompensation, eh?

2010-05-10T23:42:00.002-05:00

This story is an interesting one. According to a man with very good taste by the pen name Michael Bluth on Rajah, a top WWE official has been suspended after allegations of sexual harassment during the Wrestlemania weekend in Phoenix. Executive Vice President (how many of THOSE are there?) Jared Bartie had allegedly been drinking during the Mania festivities, and "inappropriately" hit on a female employee in WWE's sales department.

Here's where the story gets awesome: the same woman who was allegedly the victim in the Mania weekend case was, herself, fired a few weeks later after having been seen performing a "sex act*" on another WWE employee while on company property during business hours.

Pictured: Also inappropriate conduct on company property.

I'm torn between feeling bad for this girl, and thinking she's probably just some little harlot who got propositioned by one of the higher-ups and got dollar signs in her eyes. I guess we'll never know... that is, unless Michael Bluth can send Mrs. Featherbottom in on an undercover operation.

*"Sex act?" WTF is that? This is the internet, can't we get some details? Was it a handski? Mouth sex? Footski? Cleveland Steamer? Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Credenza? Inquiring minds want to know!

As If We Haven't Already Cena Nuff

2010-05-10T17:12:00.002-05:00

Just when you thought it was safe to go out on Twitter... WWE Golden Boy and Patron Saint of Goody Two-Shoes John Cena has joined the social networking site. And just what does this bastion of knowledge have to tell us in his all-important first post to his adoring public, his unfiltered, unbridled coming-out-party to the world?

"In pittsburg for raw". This grown-ass, half-educated, face of a global media conglomerate can't be bothered to spell Pittsburgh properly, capitalize proper nouns, or even use a period. If we want to be technical, "In pittsburg for raw" is only a sentence fragment. This is the face of the company? This is the image we want to push on our children and screaming fangirls?!

We're all doomed.

Fate Is a Cruel Biotch

2010-05-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

The Next Big Thing?

Brett DiBiase, son of legendary hall of famer blah blah blah (seriously, do I need to explain who he is? How many DiBiases do you know in real life?), felt the wrath of a knee injury last week at an FCW taping in a match with fellow son of a legend Joe Hennig.

The twist? Both men were scheduled to be called up to the Raw roster to join Ted DiBiase Jr. as a heel trio. Because the "we're a heel group of sons of legends" story sure hasn't been played out over the last couple years or anything.

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for Brett.

Finally Some Good News From the TNA Camp

2010-05-08T13:05:00.003-05:00

In an update to our February story on the Motor City Machineguns and Beer Money Inc getting their dual DVD set, details have finally emerged on the release. Beer Money narrowly edged out the Guns in an online poll a few weeks ago regarding which team fans would rather see on the cover, so TNA decided to give it a dual cover. =The two-disc set will feature 12 matches plus interviews on each team. The better news: it's set for a May 25 release.

I'm not usually a huge consumer on wrestling DVDs, but this is a must-have. And if they don't use it to tie into a huge feud between the two teams, I riot.

The Latest on TNA Tucking Tail

2010-05-04T16:19:00.002-05:00

If you haven't heard by now, TNA wised up and got knocked off their high horse, and will be returning to Thursday nights next week. Here's the scoop.

Spike TV will be airing TNA Reaction as the lead-in for iMPACT every Thursday night. Reaction will air at 8PM EST each week while iMPACT will return to it's 9PM EST time slot. The pilot for Reaction aired a few weeks ago on a Monday night before iMPACT and featured a "backstage look" at TNA.

The crew was told that TNA made the decision to move back to Thursdays, not Spike TV officials. While TNA officials handled most of the meeting, there was a Spike TV official there to confirm the information.

TNA as well as Eric Bischoff & Jason Hervey's production team conducted most of the recent market research and were told that fans overwhelmingly wanted Thursday to be established as TNA's night.

With the weekly addition of TNA Reaction at 8pm EST, Spike TV will be branding Thursday nights as "TNA Thursdays."

Word is that all future episodes of TNA iMPACT will be taped with the move back to Thursday nights. There are currently no plans to do live shows on Thursdays. TNA and Spike TV are going to be pushing Thursdays as TNA's night on TV. Live specials on Monday nights are a possibility but won't be happening for a while.

Christian Bumped from Fatal 4 Way Poster

2010-05-04T16:16:00.002-05:00

That's the new poster for Fatal 4 Way. The old one had Christian on it... and I liked it. I think I like this one better.

Okay, that's all. Move along.

KABOOM!

2010-05-04T16:12:00.001-05:00

These Mickie James Fans are SERIOUS!

The Connecticut Post reports that WWE fan Zavr Peygumbari, of Brooklyn, New York, was arrested last week after he called WWE headquarters over twenty times with threats to blow up the company's office and harm staff members. Zavr was upset that WWE released former Women's Champion Mickie James.

Zavr was arrested last Friday and arraigned yesterday at state Superior Court in Stamford, CT. Zavr's next court date will be on May 25th. He was originally held over the weekend in Stamford on a $250,000 bond but released on a $5,000 bond Monday. His lawyer describes him as a "fervent wrestling fan" who did not intend to follow through on his threats. Court records show that New York City police know Zavr as being emotionally disturbed.

During his arraignment on Monday, the angry WWE fan apologized for the phone calls and called them foolish & childish. Zavr allegedly threatened to blow up WWE's offices and said he would visit the building with a machete and a machine gun. The phone calls began on April 24th and continued through April 27th. Nineteen calls were made by Zavr on April 24th with a handful of calls made over the next few days. During one call, Zavr threatened to kill an un-named WWE employee and his family. The phone calls were traced back to a cell phone that Zavr had.

Zavr has been charged with four counts of fourth-degree threatening, one count of second-degree harassment and two counts of second-degree threatening.

The judge told Zavr on Monday that he could not contact WWE employees, go near it's offices in Stamford or attend any events. Zavr's actual response to this in front of the courtroom: "I'm not allowed to go to wrestling shows?"

THIS is AMAZING

2010-05-04T16:05:00.002-05:00

An elderly female fan was escorted out of the WWE SmackDown live event in Knoxville, TN this weekend after slapping CM Punk. The woman walked up to Punk, told him he wasn't Jesus and smacked him hard, according to a fan in attendance. Punk smiled at her, told her he forgave her and dropped to one knee while security took her away.

He didn't even BREAK KAYFABE! How awesome is this old lady? More over, how awesome is CM PUNK!? Holy cow! I... this is amazing. Nothing else needs to be said.

Hardy Faces 14 Years in Prison

2010-05-04T16:01:00.000-05:00

After several rounds of hearings and delays, Jeff Hardy's trial stemming from his drug arrest last year is set to begin next Monday (5/10) in Moore County, North Carolina. Hardy’s drug charges went to a grand jury back in January and they found that there was enough evidence to indict Hardy and send the case to Superior Court.

Hardy was arrested on September 11th, 2009 after police raided his home in Cameron, North Carolina. A joint investigation conducted by officers with the Moore County Sheriff’s Office narcotics and select enforcement units and the Fayetteville Police Department led to the search.

According to the police report, a search of his residence yielded 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 Soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine and items of drug paraphernalia.

He was charged with felony trafficking in opium, two counts of felony possession with intent to sell or deliver a Schedule III controlled substance, felony maintaining a dwelling to keep controlled substance, felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia.

If convicted of all charges, Hardy faces upto 14 years in prison. Which in retrospect isn't nearly as bad as jobbing to Hogan and Flair in TNA. *shrug*

Bye Bye Bubba

2010-05-01T00:02:00.002-05:00

I'm posting from my phone, because this was too good to wait till I got home. According to TNA's account on facebook, they have terminated the services of the subhuman slug known as Bubba The Love Sponge. And I think I speak for all of America when I say...

ABOUT GOD DAMN TIME!

This guy is a cancer on the entertainment industry, and I will look forward to not having to be scared of seeing his dumb face on Impact anymore.

Another Bout of Spring Cleaning

2010-04-22T22:20:00.003-05:00

More surprisingly than Jimmy Wang Yang and Grand Master J, WWE just recently announced that it has come to terms with the release of Mike Knox from his contract. One of the most agile, speedy big guys in the whole company, and they had nothin' for him.

Shoulda dropped the beard when they asked you to.

Off With Her Head!

2010-04-22T19:24:00.003-05:00

A word of warning to those young ladies in the WWE Universe -- don't even think about having dreams and aspirations beyond WWE, or your ass is grass.

Mickie James, one of the most over babyfaces on the entire roster (not just in the women's division), was future endeavored today along with a handful of other roster cuts. No official reason has been given by WWE, though there are reports that she had been semi-disruptive on the recent European tour, showing up late for travel and so on. Plus, WWE has made no bones about their "problem" with her weight, even turning it into one of the most disgusting angles in history ("Piggy James" - and we wonder why girls in this country think they're fat when they don't look anorexic). But you have to think that it can't be coincidence that both she and Maria (also one of the most popular ladies on the roster) were released just before their secular-to-the-WWE-Universe albums dropped.

Also receiving their pink slips today were Shelton Benjamin (cause God forbid we actually GIVE him a storyline and let him run with it for more than 2 weeks), Katie Lea (who's been a sitting duck ever since Burchill was released), and perennial Smackdown J.O.B. Squad Kung Fu Naki, Jimmy Wang Yang, and Slam Master J (aka Jesse from Jesse and Festus fame).

Yet, inexplicably, Kelly Kelly still has a job.

We Admit, It Was Bad.

2010-04-20T08:36:00.004-05:00

The WWE has decided to offer full ticket refunds for those fans unlucky enough to attend the WWE Raw program that aired last night on USA. As previously reported, 90% of the Raw roster has been grounded on the other side of the world due to multiple Volcano eruptions that took place in close proximity. Anyone who watched the show noticed that the majority of the people on television were Smackdown superstars. Most of the show was mindless filler in order to take up the 2 hour time block.

I wonder if the WWE will refund me the time I spent to watch that crap.

Smackdown "INVADING" Raw Tonight.

2010-04-19T12:43:00.001-05:00

WWE has been pretty forthcoming about the travel issues they're having. Confirming their Smackdown Raw Show tonight.

"With the volcanic eruption in Europe stranding the majority of the Raw roster, WWE's flagship show is going blue. Even as the cast of the film MacGruber takes the reins as special guest hosts for the potentially cataclysmic show in East Rutherford, N.J., Triple H prepares to share the ring with several top Smackdown Superstars."

Although Raw is trapped in Belfast, Ireland, the SmackDown Superstars were able to arrive in Newark by charter early this morning, after traveling through the night by bus to get to a place where they could take off.

Can the cast of MacGruber control the molten-hot situation that could erupt on Raw? Find out tonight at 9/ 8 CT only on USA Network."

No Heat on Waltman

2010-04-19T11:50:00.002-05:00

There seems to be conflicting reports about why Sean Waltman was absent from TNA Lockdown. He also no-showed the fan access event on Saturday.

Report 1: He just wanted to stick it to TNA and didn't bother to show up.

Report 2: (The one I believe.) Sean Waltman did not appear at the TNA Lockdown pay-per-view due to personal reasons. James Caldwell of PWTorch.com reports that Waltman gave TNA management advance notice that he would not be at the show, and the feeling backstage was that he had not been cleared by the Missouri state athletic commission.
Waltman worked an indy date on Saturday night and was reportedly telling people he would not appear at Lockdown. The Torch story notes that there is no heat on Waltman for missing the show, and that he is expected to appear at the TNA Impact tapings today.

There you have it, and there you are.

Believe Me Man, She's Worth It

2010-04-19T11:44:00.003-05:00

Christy Hemme has re-signed with TNA Wrestling. Regarding specifics of her contract, the official website of The Honky Tonk Man is reporting that Hemme inked a three-year deal with TNA worth $175,000 per year. The website also notes that Hemme's new contract has left some of her fellow female co-workers noticeably upset.

Hemme's deal is being compared to Awesome Kong's as the recently released Knockout was receiving $400 per appearance from TNA. Reportedly, Kong's inability to attain a slight raise in salary was her main point of contention with TNA, which led to her ultimately departing from the organization.

By comparison, PWInsider reports Generation ME makes $175 per appearance and TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne makes just over $200 per appearance.

I Can Has Your Movie?!

2010-04-19T11:36:00.002-05:00

Triple H is currently filming his first WWE Productions movie, "Killing Karma" in New Orleans. The same place where Randy Orton is filming his movie. New Orleans is looking to boost revenue after 2005's Hurricane - and has passed laws offering massive tax breaks to companies who film their movies in the city. WWE has plans to shoot over 13 movies there in the next three years.

"Killing Karma" is about "a man who, after being released from prison, is determined to live a quiet - and legal - life. Then, his best friend approaches with an offer for one last score." It is interesting to note that up until today, wrestling sites and IMDB had been reporting that Batista was the star of this film.

Well, I'd Like to Update You But...

2010-04-19T11:29:00.001-05:00

...nothing is going on in the world of WWE because all of the Raw superstars are stuck in England.

Tonight's WWE RAW from East Rutherford, New Jersey is expected to feature mostly SmackDown superstars. Most of the RAW crew is stuck in Europe due to travel restrictions stemming from last week's Iceland volcano eruption.

The superstars stuck in Europe include John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton, Bret Hart, Miz, Big Show Sheamus, Mark Henry, Ted DiBiase, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, MVP, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero and Hornswoggle. Eve Torres, Maryse and Kelly Kelly are among the Divas who also likely won't be at RAW tonight.

As of about an hour ago, UK Authorities extended the ban on flights to Tuesday Morning - at this point, there is fear that the Raw brand may not make it back in time for the Extreme Rules PPV on Sunday.

No Guest Host for Draft Day.

2010-04-16T21:23:00.003-05:00

AKA: Randy Orton Goes to Smackdown.

According to an article posted on PW Torch, the WWE has made the decision to not have a guest host on the April 26th edition of Raw that follows the Extreme Rules PPV. This Monday night show will feature the annual WWE Draft that typically takes place a month or so after Wrestlemania. This would be the first show that the WWE has ever run without a guest host since the inception of the idea in June of 2009.

Not going to complain. The WWE Draft show is typically pretty entertaining, so I'm glad they didn't decide to muck it up by having some dipstick with a book or a movie to sell show up and produce bad segments in the middle of the program. Though, at least with the rumored storyline involving The Rock that is supposedly set to last from the beginning of June all the way up to Summerslam, we'll at least have something to keep our attention away from some imbecile like Verne Troyer hocking their crap on my TV.

It's All About the Game and How You Play It

2010-04-15T13:59:00.002-05:00

Yep, the similarities are uncanny.

According to an ESPN opinion article written by ESPN writer Jemele Hill, Tiger Woods has what it takes to become the ultimate heel of the golf course.

"Tiger Woods should curse enough to make Redd Foxx blush. He should put a Perkins restaurant sticker on his bag. He should throw his clubs like a javelin whenever he misses an easy putt. He should text message in-between shots. If a reporter asks about his emotional state, Tiger should channel Bobby Knight and make a bunch of ridiculously juvenile faces."

What does this have to do with wrestling you ask? Hill further explains.

"Tiger should become a bad guy. He should be golf's version of the WWE's Triple H."

Hill goes on to explain that casting Tiger Woods as a heel type character in golf would further add edge to his budding rivalry with Phil Mickelson. You can read the full ESPN article here.

I promised myself I would be done making jokes about Tiger Wood's adultery issues, but man if they casted Woods as a Triple H like heel, I'd watch golf just to see him inevitably perform a Pedigree on his Caddy.

Smackdown Going to SyFy

2010-04-12T23:39:00.002-05:00

According to reports written in the Los Angeles Times, SyFy has shelled out an estimated $30,000,000 to the WWE to successfully rope in the Smackdown brand for the SyFy network.

That would make the SyFy network the channel to go to in order to view both the new NXT program and the Smackdown brand. One can only assume that this news spells the imminent doom for MyNetwork TV, which previously had Smackdown on its lineup, the only large ratings draw for the channel.

Another One For The Good Guys

2010-04-12T01:13:00.003-05:00

So you remember how Eric Bischoff was cocking off about his book a few weeks ago, and how it was still making him thousands of dollars in royalties? So WWE decided to drop the price to $1.98? Bischoff strikes back. Via Facebook:

Just received 1,000 copies of Controversy Creates Cash from WWE! $1.98 AND THEY PAID SHIPPING! That is frigging awesome. I'm going to autograph the first 100 sell for 20.00 with preceeds going to support the Upper Banch Mine Fund that TNA raised money for. Details to follow in the next day or two. Spread the word!

You know what? Good for him, and good for TNA for doing so much to help the unfortunate victims of last week's West Virginia mining accident. They also held some house shows this weekend with proceeds going to the same cause. According to Jeff Jarrett's twitter, they had a largely successful turnout for those shows. And Kurt Angle himself even offered to match the donations made at Saturday's show in Corbin, KY.

Say what you will about TNA's product, but from all outward appearances (which, I know, can be deceiving), they seem to be a nice little close-knit family who support each other, their company, their industry, and the world around them. That's the kind of people I cheer on.

Goldberg is "open" to wrestling at Mania next year

2010-04-09T12:42:00.002-05:00

In an interview with ESPN.com, former WCW monster and Bret Hart career-killer Bill Goldberg said he'd be "open" to wrestling one final match at Wrestlemania next year, when the Grandaddy emanates from WCW-hotbed Atlanta, GA.

"It's not something that I'm seeking out to do at 43 years old. But you know, WrestleMania is next year in Atlanta. Hulk Hogan and I put 43,000 people in the Georgia Dome with three days notice. I've got a fairly big following in Atlanta. Is it out of the realm of possibility? I'd say no."

Listen, Goldberg is "open" to wrestling one last match at Wrestlemania the same way I'm "open" to jumping on stage and playing guitar for Alter Bridge. Cut the foreplay, Bill. You want to ask... call up Vince and ask.

TNA Tries Using T&A

2010-04-06T21:30:00.008-05:00

Is it even a competition anymore?

Here's my rant for the week.

When Vince McMahon first accused the TNA product of being "tawdry and bloodsoaked action", I laughed. I laughed because this was the same McMahon that put his corporate stamp of approval on such creative masterpieces as Mae Young giving birth to a prosthetic hand and the Katie Vick storyline. I laughed because it was only in the last couple of years that the WWE product has made a format change to appeal to the younger, PG audience. I also laughed because I never considered TNA's product to be tawdry in the slightest. Confusing? Absolutely. Full of holes? You bet. Spotlights on the wrong people? For sure. I never once thought of TNA's shows to be trashy.

That was, until last night.

In the desperate ploy for a ratings jump, the injured and limping TNA iMPACT! program produced the biggest pile of balls that professional wrestling / sports entertainment has seen in years. Yes, it was worse than the Jerry Springer Guest Host edition of Raw. Believe me.

Between Jeff Hardy meaning ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, Orlando Jordan's Lady Gaga gimmick ripoff, and quite possibly the trashiest segment I had the displeasure of watching, the TNA Knockout's Title Belt In a Box... thing, I was ready to stab my eyes out with an icepick. That was, until I realized there was a better show on the USA network. I'm not even going to go into the nitty gritty details, but when you have a segment where a TNA Knockout is forced to take their clothes off because one of the boxes tells them to do it? You're tawdry. When your Women's Championship belt changes hands because someone opened a box on a gameshow? You're tawdry. When you resort to lowbrow gameshow crap to increase your ratings instead of actually showcasing the people you spent TOP DOLLAR for, you're not only tawdry, you're stupid.

Here's the best part: Their ridiculous attempt to draw more viewers to the show by flaunting Knockout Boobies did NOTHING FOR THEIR RATINGS. TNA drew the average ho-hum 0.9 that they always have, except for the post-Wrestlemania week when they drew a 0.6.

This is what makes me so mad. TNA, I WANT YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL. We want competition! I wish you would put a superior product out, because it would force everyone else to step up their game! But when you actually allow your cameras to record the garbage that you put together last night, you're tawdry.

And you're doomed for failure.

Randy Orton Thinks Ken Anderson is "Not Very Good."

2010-04-05T12:08:00.002-05:00

There was some story today about Randy Orton's movie, and how much fun they're having making it look like the 60s. It has a 5 Million Dollar budged...blah, blah, blah... this story is better. So I'm going to tell this one.

At Wrestlemania 26 Fan Access festivities, Randy did a question and answer session with fans. One young fan asked him who his favorite wrestler was, and someone else in the crowd yelled out "Kennedy". Randy, who seems like something of a comedic timing expert, paused - delivered the above look on his face and said. "That guy is dangerous." He paused for comedic purposes and then "...and not very good either." As if that wasn't enough, he completely digressed and said, (paraphrasing, because I can't watch the video again right now.) "I turned on that show with the ten sided ring or whatever it is. If you're going to go to the other show, the least you can do is change your gimmick. When I saw him do this thing..." Randy then proceeded to mimmick the Kennedy microphone grab. "...I mean I've seen that before. WHAT IS THAT?!"

It was a fantastic 18 minutes, and I think even the casual Orton fan will like it. He talks about his daughter, his favorite matches, his first title win, and why Stephanie McMahon is awesome. Watch it! :)

Undertaker and HBK Wanted JR for WM26.

2010-04-05T12:01:00.000-05:00

By Brian Cantor
F4WOnline.com reports that in the lead-up to their WrestleMania 26 match, both Shawn Michaels and Undertaker requested that Jim Ross be allowed to commentate their main-event bout.

There has been at least prior instance in which a request from main-event wrestlers led to Jim Ross regaining the helm of the commentary booth (Steve Austin and The Rock pushed for Ross as a commentator in 2001), but the campaign from Michaels and Undertaker was unsuccessful this time. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, who made the call to keep Ross off the show, was unconvinced by the wrestlers and creative team and remained firm in his decision.

While the decision to keep Ross off the show was made several weeks ago, there were still many who hoped Vince McMahon would change his mind come game time. The issue of adding Ross to the main-event panel came up one final time during WrestleMania week, but McMahon shot it down, arguing that the company could not live in the past and that because Ross was not going to be returning as a full-time commentator, the WM26 slot should not be taken away from regulars Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker.

Sources say that wrestler and employee interactions with Ross during WM week were uncomfortable, since it was visibly clear that JR was hurt by his omission from the card. He nonetheless conveyed positive spirits in a recent blog post, demonstrating optimism that his role going forward will be productive.

TNA Releases Daniels

2010-04-05T11:40:00.002-05:00

If you need any further proof that Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff want to destroy every shred of original TNA that there is (save AJ Styles) TNA has released Christopher Daniels.

Almost immediately Daniels contacted ROH, and returned at their most recent PPV. This is a sad day for TNA - and I don't even think they realize it.

RIP (for real) Chris Kanyon

2010-04-03T12:50:00.002-05:00

RIP Chris "Kanyon" Klucsaritis
January 4, 1970 – April 2, 2010

Chris Klucsaritis, known by his in-ring names Chris Kanyon, and (earlier in his WCW career) masked as Mortis, was found dead Friday night in his Queens apartment, apparently of a drug-induced suicide. He was found with a pill bottle and several notes around his body.

Kanyon, who had been battling bipolar disorder, had threatened suicide many times in the past according to some of his friends, and reached out as recently as last Monday, saying he was battling another bout of depression and feeling suicidal.

Even though Kanyon had turned into something of a walking joke following his in-ring career, there's absolutely nothing funny about this. Depression is a vicious cycle, and in cases like this, a deadly one. If you or anyone you know is battling depression, bipolar disorder, or anything of the sort, I urge you to take notice and take it seriously. Hopeline is ready and waiting for your call, 24/7, at 1-800-SUICIDE or http://www.hopeline.com.

On a personal note... being a huge WCW mark during his heyday, I always fully enjoyed his "WHO BETTA DAN KANYON?" schtick. He (kayfabe) always expected the crowd to reply with "Nobody!" but we always answered with "Everybody!" and it drove him nuts. I always wondered if that was somehow planted, or if the fans just figured that out on their own. And though they were typically crapped on by the fans, I always fully enjoyed the Mortis/Glacier feud.

Good night, sweet prince.

RIP "Mr. McMahon"

2010-04-01T21:00:00.002-05:00

According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, which is never ever wrong, the beating that "Mr. McMahon" took at the hands of the Hart family at last weekend's Wrestlemania XXVI was meant to signify the Harts' "ultimate revenge" and the end of the Mr. McMahon character.

The character, which was created in 1997 following the Montreal Screwjob, saw its most prominent role during the Stone Cold days, and experienced a resurgence around the time of the 2006 DX run, with various appearances thrown in here and there for good measure. Now after all these years, since Bret got his comeuppance and finally put a cap on the Screwjob angle for good, Mr. McMahon will be going away. The Newsletter says "McMahon is a firm believer in pushing younger acts and is not blind to the fact that he's in his 60's and the character more than ran its course." Let's just ask Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne how that "pushing the younger acts" thing is working out for them.

So this leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Will we never see Vince McMahon on television again? Will he appear simply as "the Chairman, Vince McMahon?" Did his one-night return to the broadcast table light a fire under him to return there for good (and hopefully boot Michael Cole from the flagship show once and for all)? Will Stephanie be returning to TV? Will Triple H be hanging it up and taking up the "evil boss" mantle? Should we strap in for months and months of ridiculous guest hosts who know nothing about the business but have some movie or book to shill? Is the Observer trying to pull an April Fool's joke on us?

I guess time will only tell.

Randy Orton is 30 Today

2010-04-01T10:58:00.004-05:00

My hometown boy, Randy Orton turns 30 today. When Elaine's water broke, you think Bob thought she was just razzing him?

Randy has been a staple on our television sets for 8 years already, making his WWE debut on April 25, 2002. As previously reported, Randy recently signed a 10 year contract, for an undisclosed sum, with WWE. It goes into effect in May, meaning Randy is under contract until weeks after his 40th birthday.

He is currently in New Orleans working on his WWE Feature Film debut.

Now This is Embarassing

2010-04-01T10:49:00.008-05:00

"What we gotta do, brother, is HIRE MORE OLD PEOPLE."

Now, the fact that Monday night's edition of WWE Raw pulled monstrous ratings was of no surprise to anyone, but get this.

TNA's iMPACT show this last Monday not only lost the ratings war to the Monday night Raw airing at the same time, but it also reeled in LESS ratings than the Saturday night 12AM Raw rerun that aired before Wrestlemania.

I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating.

That piss poor final Raw before Wrestlemania, remember that? The RERUN of that craptastic show that aired the following Saturday night at Midnight drew a 0.7 rating, higher than the 0.6 that TNA's Flagship program garnered on its prime-time slot.
That... is just embarassing.

Update on Jim Ross

2010-04-01T10:49:00.004-05:00

Jim Ross posted the following about his negotiations with WWE on his jrsbarbq.com blog.

"JR is NOT retiring. It's tempting and financially doable but I want to work a few more years in a role that is fun and not as laden with stress as some of my previous assignments have been.

No I am not 'vanishing.' LIfe is so good here in Norman and I have a tremendous amount of things to look forward to although I know that I have not broadcast my last event. One doesn't do something for over 35 years and stop cold turkey or at least I don't.

There are no issues or problems with my negotiations with WWE. The ball is in WWE's court to put together a new role for me within the company. Essentially they have decided to reassign me from weekly broadcasting and that includes the monthly PPV's to focus on other areas of the company. I am guessing, and I stress guessing, that may be some form of scouting and/or talent development. I might be wrong on that assumption but I'll know before the end of April as that is when my current extension expires."

Shannon and Jeff Want Matt to Say "So Long WWE!"

2010-04-01T10:44:00.001-05:00

TNA stars Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore are trying to get their brother and friend Matt Hardy to "jump ship" from WWE to TNA after the two wrote "cryptic" messages on Twitter last night.

Shannon wrote: "@MATTHARDBRAND time to jump ship brudda. Ship has set sail. Tell Ace you quit and be a Heavens Demon!!!"

Jeff then wrote the following: "Maybe my brother can join tha demons next time if he gets his shit together."

Presumably the "Ace" that Shannon was referring to is WWE's John "Johnny Ace" Laurinaitis. It's possible Jeff was talking about next time Matt can join them at the UFC Fight Night 21 show that he, Shannon and Gregory Helms attended last night. (source: lordsofpain.net)

Flair Doesn't Like The New Guy

2010-04-01T10:39:00.002-05:00

Ric Flair confronted an on-air male companion of Orlando Jordan after the TNA iMPACT tapings this past Tuesday when several TNA wrestlers and crew members were hanging out at a local bar.

According to the report, Flair got so upset while watching the man dance at the bar, that he confronted him and cut a promo on him. Jordan’s friend was said to be very shaken by Flair’s comments, that he left the bar. The report also says that Flair was fuming over the male companion having a role with the company, and not belonging in the locker room with the rest of the wrestlers and crew members. (Source: ProWrestling.NET)

I don't think this HAS to be a "gay thing", though many are going to see it that way. Flair is VERY old school, but he's also friends with Pat Patterson who has been out in the business for years. I'm hopeful that this was more of a "paying your dues" thing, than a gay thing. This guy is on TV simply because he's in a relationship with Orlando Jordan, and not because he has any acting or wrestling talent to speak of.

MAJOR SMACKDOWN SPOILER

2010-03-31T13:44:00.002-05:00

For the benefit of those who don't like to be spoiled, the rest of this post will be written in black text. Hopefully you didn't just find it on a google search and have it spoiled over there. If you do want to read, just click and highlight the rest of this post.

So, apparently, at last night's Smackdown taping, Jack Thwagger cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a bandaged-up Chris Jericho, and found a way to defeat him. Ladies and Gentlemen, your new World Heavyweight Champion... Jack Swagger.

I have no words. Ok, I lied, I have a few. For starters.... REALLY?! Alright, I know that I've been hella critical of WWE's booking decisions in the past, at how they keep the same old tired people in the main event, etc etc. I know that I say I wish they'd push younger talent. But... Jack Swagger? Sheamus? Using the word "talent" in relation to these guys is a bit of a stretch. Especially when it comes to Swagger. He somehow finds a way to sound even more wooden and rehearsed on the mic than Chris Masters, and that's hard to do. Dude is still green as hell in the ring, a big powerhouse with a few nice moves but overall still has a looong way to go. And I don't care if it's a cheap shot - the lisp HAS to go. WWE is a multi-billion-dollar worldwide conglomerate, surely they can find a few bucks in the budget for a vocal coach. That lisp is not Vickie Guerrero "excuse me" heat, it's "well, time for a piss break" heat.

Ashlee's world title rant aside, those belts are supposed to mean something. Holding the world title, while it IS "planned out," is still a reward for your hard work and dedication to the company. It's your reward for being over with the crowd, and doing all you can to entertain the fans. Jack Swagger's the guy who hadn't won a match since the start of the year, and had been buried in Raw midcard/undercard purgatory. And once he loses the belt, I promise you this, he's going right back there. He's the guy who hasn't done a thing in months, and comes out of absolutely nowhere to win MITB and then cash in and win the title. WWE seems to have this backwards -- putting the world title on someone does not put them over. They need to BE over, chase the title, and THEN win it. Remember how emotional it was when Shawn Michaels' "boyhood dream" came true? Remember when Mrs. Foley's baby boy finally won the big one? Remember how incredible the moment was when Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit hugged in the middle of all the confetti, two best friends as World Champions to close out Wrestlemania XX? Hell, even CM Punk cashing in on Edge kicked off the "anarchy" story arc on Raw before McMahon returned. These are supposed to be the moments that mean something. Putting the title on Swagger, or Sheamus, or any of these OMG moments where a young guy wins the title out of nowhere, serves no purpose but to de-value the title. You might as well put the title on Kung Fu Naki, it doesn't mean it's going to get him over. It IS possible to use an unexpected title win to push a guy into superstardom (see the aforementioned CM Punk), but the guy has to, you know, be a little bit over beforehand. Jack Swagger is not now, nor has he ever been, a true superstar. Same thing with the Sheamus run. Swagger is just another in a long line of failed, transitional, champions.

And to think... Christian is RIGHT THERE. Over as hell. Could have easily been in the same spot Swagger is in, and it would have made some lick of sense. A Jericho-Christian-Edge 3-way feud for the title on Smackdown would have been incredible. Which brings up another point - Christian has been back in WWE for over a year, and has had, what, 1 backstage run-in with Edge? I'm all for character development, but COME ON. I'm not asking for goofy glasses and 5 second poses. I just want a chance to remember the good old days when the E in WWE actually existed.

Instead, we get Jack Swagger, World Heavyweight Champion. Jack Fucking Thwagger.

And people wonder why I watch TNA.

Your Raw Guest Host Next Week Is...

2010-03-31T12:51:00.002-05:00

This guy.

...this guy.

David Otunga is apparently a pro wrestler for WWE's "NXT" show, but I wouldn't know because I haven't watched that program since its second week. I tuned in the first week expecting a true reality show, something akin to UFC's "Ultimate Fighter" where you watch the guys training and sparring and learning, and get to know who they are as real people and characters before they ever debut in their first fight. "The Ultimate Fighter" is pretty much UFC's version of Tough Enough, and that's what I was looking for out of NXT. But alas, we were given more kayfabe bullcrap. Yes, I said it, bullcrap. While I will agree that the ECW name was a bit worn out, the concept for the show was perfect. Younger talent like Jack Swagger, CM Punk, John Morrison, Sheamus, et al., had a place to debut while working with established veterans like William Regal, Goldust, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Christian, and the Hurricane. It gave new characters a chance to either shine or fade out (anyone remember that dude with the Rally Towel?) naturally, by their own God-given ability to get over, and move on to one of the A shows. It didn't force the young guys down our throats, it just gave them a place to debut and see what stuck and what didn't. While I would prefer just letting the new guys do the same on Raw or Smackdown, it was basically the perfect formula for creating new stars. NXT, on the other hand, takes a whole barrel of new guys and says "YOU HAVE TO CARE ABOUT THESE GUYS RIGHT NOW." It's a horrible, horrible concept and after watching the first episode out of excitement and the second one out of "is this really all this show is going to be? REALLY?," I haven't watched since.

And nobody else seems to be watching either. NXT is drawing the same ratings that ECW was (after a brief spike in the initial couple of episodes, probably from people like me who thought it was going to be worth a damn). I couldn't have picked David Otunga out of a lineup, and apparently, google image search doesn't even know he's a wrestler. He's more famous for being Jennifer Hudson's arm candy, and the GIS brought me little more than the fru-fru picture you see above. It also brought me this unintentional bit of comedy towards the bottom of page 2:

I feel the same way, Jeff.

Dixie Carter Gets Sweet Chin Music

2010-03-31T05:47:00.003-05:00

This is embarassing.

The post-Wrestlemania fallout Raw for the WWE scored higher than average ratings this week in its third head to head battle with the fledgling TNA program that moved to Monday nights on March 9th. Raw pulled a 3.68 for the whole show, rounded up to 3.7.

The Monday, March 29th edition of TNA iMPACT scored a 0.62 rating, rounded down to a 0.6.

Ouch. Even Dixie Carter felt the sting on that one. Carter had this to say on her Twitter page.

"Thank goodness he can only retire once...hopefully. Shawn, congrats on an amazing career!"

*canned laughter*

Now, obviously the question is "How well did Shawn Michael's segment do?" HBK's emotional retirement speech that wrapped up Raw scored a 4.1 rating, significantly higher than the rest of the program. Before we all get on the TNA IS FAILING bandwagon because of this, there are several factors to consider that pulled TNA's viewers away from iMPACT and made them change the channel to Raw.

-This was the fallout show from the biggest Pay Per View offering that the WWE has. Shows that occur the night after a PPV always score higher marks. TNA didn't have a PPV event the night before iMPACT.

-The "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels had one of the most intensely emotional, epic retirement speeches that I can ever remember. Eat your heart out, Flair. Yours didn't even come close.

-The segment in the middle of the program by Triple H who came out to talk about HBK in a very heartfelt manner, only to be hammered in the back of the head by Sheamus was a BRILLIANT move by the WWE. It kept viewers on the channel and at the same time drew some SERIOUS heat for the Celtic Warrior.

All in all, I'm not surprised about the ratings this week. I will be interested to see how TNA fares next Monday when they clock in an hour earlier, a la WCW. This week, TNA didn't stance a snowball's chance in a microwave.

Thank You Shawn!

2010-03-30T11:13:00.005-05:00

I don't know what to say about Shawn Michaels. He's been around my whole life. I can say I will truly, truly miss him. Do I think he'll be back in some capacity? Not long term, a one night stint - maybe. I don't think he'll wrestle another match though. In a way I feel like this is Triple H's Swan Song too. We'll see what they do with him, but with another baby on the way for he and Stephanie - I don't think 2010 will be a very memorable year for The Game.

At first I wanted a huge, emotional ceremony ala Ric Flair for last night, but that last twenty minutes they gave him in the ring - just him, and his fans - was amazing. It was exactly the closure I needed. The hug between him and Triple H. It was exactly the way I wanted to see it end. I felt jilted. I didn't think it was actually over. I thought he'd go away for three months, and come back. It wasn't until Sunday night that I realized it was really, really, real. How they managed to give me my perfect goodbye in 20 minutes, I'll never know.

I hope Shawn doesn't go back on that. I hope he enjoys retirement, but I don't want him to play with my emotions. I'm going to MISS him, like he's a friend that's moving away. When the Rock left. When Austin retired. When Jericho took two years off. I didn't feel like I felt when Shawn gave that speech. As I reflected on it this morning, I thought of one simple statement. Simple, yet poignant. "I guess I have to grow up now." Triple H is the last wrestler left from my childhood. Sobering.

I didn't mean to get all depressing. Shawn had an amazing career. I love the fact that he's going to be with his family while he can still enjoy it. The speech is in 3 parts on Youtube if you missed it, or want to rewatch the whole thing. Here is the highlight video that WWE did to recap Shawn's retirement speech.

WWE Title Rant

2010-03-30T10:12:00.003-05:00

Apparently it's news, because the WWE Title that John Cena won on Sunday Night is his 9th. This ties him with the Rock for total number of WWE Championships.

Is this news? Really? Back in the days of NWA - when the sport was real, and real men really wrestled for title belts - the number of belts was a really big deal. Ric Flair's unprecedented 16 World Titles were a big deal. Bruno Sammartino held the WWWF World Championship (the very title John Cena holds now) for seven years, eight months, and one day. THAT was a big deal. And what is the REAL record anyway? How is it determined? Let's try a jacked up history lesson.

The World Championship (Jericho's Belt - which is formally the WCW World Championship) used to be the NWA World Title. (The one Ric Flair won 10 times. In both NWA and WCW. Yes, I said ten times. Six of the changes weren't sanctioned by the NWA, and therefore do not count. Don't you feel like someone just lied to you?) Oddly enough it first belonged to a little known territory called the WWWF. (Yep, the Juggernaut known today as WWE.) Vincent J. McMahon got tired of the NWA's crap, and withdrew from the NWA. Deciding to go it alone, which in the 1960's seemed like a bad idea. Bet those people feel really stupid now.

Territory wrestling continued, and in 1988 Ted Turner bought a floundering promotion that performed well on his little cable station, and turned it into WCW. They were members of the NWA. In 1993 the NWA board refused to acknowledge Ric Rude as NWA Champion, and WCW withdrew their membership from the NWA. Except, WCW owned the belt design, and they continued to use it. The audience was none the wiser. The biggest company still being televised and having a standing membership was this little promotion you may have heard of, ECW. (Eastern Championship Wrestling. Which later became the ECW we knew and loved.) Yeah, that's right - Shane Douglas was the NWA Champion. Same belt Ric Flair, Terry Funk, Dusty Rhodes, and Ricky Steamboat held. Shane Douglas won that title by putting someone through a flaming table. Except, the NWA thought Shane Douglas was an unprofessional buffoon - and that pissed Shane and Heyman off, so they withdrew from the NWA and NEVER looked back.

From that point on, the NWA World Championship was defended in independent territories. They made a bid for WWE in the late 90s, but... you guessed it, WWE ran that storyline into the ground, and it didn't work out. In fact, a champion was never named.

Of course, in 2002 - a little show called NWA:TNA got the licensing to use the NWA World Championship as it's belt. That deal ended in 2007. The belt went back to the independent circuit and now belongs to ROH. So wrap your mind around this. The first and original wrestling championship: The NWA World Heavyweight Title, arguably the only belt that matters - because it's the FIRST and REAL belt. The one RIC FRIGGIN' FLAIR said belonged to the "REAL WORLD'S HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION", yeah it belongs to some guy named Adam Pearce. Who's Adam Pearce you ask? What? You don't know? Forget Cena, Forget Jericho - he's the REAL WORLD CHAMPION!

This guy.

The NWA belt is the real belt. Plain and simple. It changes hands about once a year (except when it was in TNA) - and not on some quarterly Orton/Cena/Batista/Triple H rotation. Does it matter that John Cena has 9 titles? (Or that Triple H has 13, etc.) Sure, it matters for WWE History I suppose.

What becomes insulting is WWE's insistence that this is some HUGE deal. Wrap your brain around that. It took Ric Flair nearly 20 years to win 10 NWA World Titles. John Cena comes in and wins 9 WWE Championships in six years - and WWE wants us to think the guy has reinvented the wheel. I'm not some independent promotion pusher, but the ROH Title is the one that is deeply rooted in wrestling culture. Don't let the WWE fool you with their sullied belt and multi time champions.

/end rant

What You Didn't See On Raw

2010-03-30T10:08:00.003-05:00

These were happier times.

After last night's RAW in Phoenix, Edge vs. Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Title took place. Jericho had his ribs taped up and cut a promo on Shawn Michaels. Jericho ended up poking the referee in the eyes to get a DQ in the match.

Edge eventually hit a spear on Jericho and left. Jericho got back up and complained more which brought out Triple H. He hit a Pedigree on Jericho and then did Sweet Chin Music with some comedy in it. Triple H posed on the stage like HBK and left to end the show.

Here's the video of it. Pretty fitting, and sort of cute coming from his best friend. I know Hunter will know well enough to leave the memories alone after that.

Hart Dynasty gets Big Bump in Google & Twitter Trends

2010-03-30T10:02:00.002-05:00

Twitter and Google Trends both reveal immense interest in WWE personalities following the culmination of this week's RAW.

Most notable is a surge of interest in The Hart Dynasty, which currently sits as the fourth most popular search on Google. The Hart Dynasty received a rub Monday when it came to the aid of Bret Hart, who was being accosted by The Miz and Big Show. The Dynasty beat Miz and Show via countout.

As the group has had limited exposure on RAW--WWE's primary show for buzz generation--this far and away represented its most high-profile appearance to date

Wish Someone Would Give Taker this Memo...

2010-03-29T10:22:00.001-05:00

In an interview with the Ottawa Sun, WWE Hall of Famer “Stone Cold” Steve Austin spoke about how WWE has changed since his days as an active superstar and said that he “absolutely” has one more match left in him.

“WWE has changed. It’s a different climate, more of a PG image. They’ve cleaned it up a bit. For me to go back, I have to watch my Ps and Qs. It’s another day and age. They’ve got young superstars to sell.”

When asked whether we’ve seen the last of Stone Cold in the ring, he gave a surprising answer that’s totally different from what Jim Ross has repeatedly stated in his blogs about Austin wrestling a final match.

“Do I have a match left in me? Absolutely. Do I want to do one more? I don’t know. I’m very content with leaving well enough alone. I don’t want to be 90% of what Stone Cold was.”

I find it utterly ridiculous that Stone Cold would state the obvious. Shawn Michaels is still wrestling the best matches of his career, and Undertaker is still limping his ass down the ramp... this is backwards. And I'm getting angrier the more I think about it.

Dave Meltzer Says TNA Has "Big Financial Problems"

2010-03-29T10:20:00.000-05:00

From SEScoops.com:

One oft-overlooked factor in TNA’s destiny to compete with rival promotion World Wrestling Entertainment are the added expenses entailed.

Since January, the company has ballooned its roster to over 70 performers with the notable additions of high priced stars such as Ric Flair, Rob Van Dam, Jeff Hardy and the former Mr. Kennedy. Furthermore, the company has added the costly expense of going live every other Monday night and promotion of said move (i.e. airing commercials during Monday Night Raw and running Billboards in Times Square). Other than slight bumps in house show attendance and merchandise sales, TNA has to little to show for its efforts. In fact, ratings are at its lowest levels in four years due to the move to Monday nights.

Wrestling Observer editor Dave Meltzer cryptically said during a recent episode of Wrestling Observer Radio that TNA is having bigger financial problems than most realize.

“I’m worried about my friends who work for TNA because they have bigger financial problems than anyone knows,” Meltzer said.

2010-03-29T10:10:00.004-05:00

WWE has posted some great post match footage of HBK, talking to his wife and kids after his match, and getting a standing ovation from his peers. I got a little emotional watching it. Shawn says he'll "always be a part of this place." WWE.com doesn't let you embed video. The link is below.

Click Here

For those wondering, the angle is legitimate and Michaels days as an active performer are likely over. The word backstage at WrestleMania is that last night was Michaels’ final match (at least for a long time) and everybody was congratulating him on a great career and saying their goodbyes to him. The WWE Public Relations representative in the media section at WrestleMania was also telling reporters that the retirement is legitimate.

There has been talk of holding a retirement ceremony for Michaels on tonight’s RAW or in the near future. While the door is always open down the road for Michaels to wrestle “one more match,” he really is leaving WWE.

Wrestlemania Recap

2010-03-29T09:37:00.002-05:00

This is just the opinion of one contributing member of this blog, but I think all in all I'd give Wrestlemania 26 a B+. I'm really only writing this because I got out of bed at 4:30am to watch this thing, because I couldn't sleep. I wanted to watch it before Raw anyway, so why not... here are the matches.

Big Show / Miz Vs R-Truth / John Morrison

This match was pointless. It was short, and no one will remember it. This was no Wrestlemania moment for any of these mean. Except 72,000+ singing "What's up" back to R-Truth.

Cody Rhodes vs Ted Dibiase vs Randy Orton

This one was sadly predictable. The match was slow and boring, until Randy got finished having his butt handed back to him. When he finally did make a comeback, the match definitely picked up. I still think Cody is going to try to side with Randy, and that's why Ted took the pin. Cody is a follower, and I thought it was right for Ted to get the pin, because Ted was the mastermind in the break up of Legacy. The punt and the RKO finish was great acting and psychology on Randy's part. Randy of course did his arms out Legend Killer taunt at the end, but I'm still not sure he's a face...

Money in the bank

This match was pretty uneventful. For the second year in a row, WWE teases a Christian win, only to make it ridiculous. Kofi biffed his one big spot, and Christian didn't get a spot to write home about either. I'm concerned there is now a whole PPV dedicated to this match, especially since this one was no good. And where was Drew McIntyre? Really, he got this mega push and wasn't even involved in the direct outcome of the match. Who gives a rip about Jack Swagger?

Sheamus vs Triple H

I hate Shaemus. So I'm more than okay Triple H won. Did Triple H need the rub, of course not. Should Shaemus have won to solidify him as a worthy contender, yes. Does WWE think he's a worthy contender. No, not with Edge and Batista back. Is Shaemus going to former world champion purgatory? Yes.

CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio

This match was good. I'm not sure where they're going with Rey winning, but the performance from both of these guys was really very solid. Look forward to keep following it.

Bret Hart vs Vince Mcmahon

This was Vince just basking in his own glory. He took 20 chair shots, and all the big bumps. I was surprised that Bret looked so swift. It was definitely a nice cap on over a decade of animosity, but Bret is supposed to stick around, so I'm sure we have more of this to look forward. Joy. *eye roll*

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

This match was fantastic. Jericho is amazing. Edge is amazing. This match was just great. The finish was a 10. The after finish with Edge, an 11.5. This is far from over, and I am happy about that!

10 Diva Tag

I get it. I didn't like it, but I get it. Alicia Fox almost falling on her face, thinking she's cute. That was priceless. Made me laugh pretty hard. Vickie doing the... ummm... (Bovine Splash was my first thought, but that's just mean.) I get the homage. Really, I do... and the pointing to heaven, and the Eddie shakes. I get it. He'd be very proud of her. I... liked it for sentimentality. That's all.

John Cena vs. Batista

Cena is champion. I'd like to remind you that this blog is called Cenanuff. But Cena is champion, and I'm OKAY with that. It's not because I hate Batista, because he's growing on me, but I'm actually excited to see his pissed off, no longer champion promos. Let's see how this goes! Also, that was the MOST awesome Attitude Adjustment I've seen in a long time. Very, very impressive.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn Michaels wrestled better than half of the people on this card, including his opponent. He is without a doubt still wrestling as good as the thirty year olds in the company. That was one hell of a match to go out on. I think we'll hear a formal goodbye from him tonight, but that was beyond excellent. I wish he would have won it, but Shawn didn't need to end the streak to have a celebrated career. The streak is about all the Undertaker has left, since he's continually embarrassing himself with botched old man moves, and has been for about three years now.

Wrestlemania overall was good for me. It got me excited about this product again - AND - I'm actually interested in what happens between Batista and Cena - which is tough for me to admit. Let's see where this goes!

A Reason to Go to Bed Early

2010-03-27T21:48:00.002-05:00

Celebrate with us! We finished the match without needing a hip replacement!

As of late this afternoon, WWE officials have been reported to be still going over the order of the final matches in the Wrestlemania card. Sources say that the original plan was that the WWE Championship match between John Cena and Batista would be the last match of the night, however there is a growing possibility (get this) that the final match of Wrestlemania XXVI will be changed to the No Holds Barred grudge match between Bret "The Hitman" Hart and Mr. McMahon. Official word has not yet been reached on which match will close the night.

This is actually quite brilliant, if you think about it. The WWE realizes that a growing percentage of its fan base needs to be in bed early enough to be up before the bus arrives for school, so they're gearing it so that the matches no one cares about are at the end. Good ole Vince really is thinking about the kids!

2002 Called. Stop Stealing its Stories.

2010-03-27T13:44:00.004-05:00

After a string of comments about TNA by Vincent K. McMahon, who called their product "tawdry and blood-soaked action", Eric Bischoff logged on to his Facebook account and fired back a salvo at the WWE Chairman.

"So according to reports, Vince McMahon, the guy who wanted to watch his son-in-law perform a sex act on a dead body, asked me to make out with his wife AND daughter, owns a boat called "Sexy Bitch" and wanted me to promote "Hot Lesbian Action" on his show considers TNA "tawdry"..come on Vince, you are a lot of things (and many that I admire) but don't be a hypocrite."

Forgive me if I'm mistaken Eric, but aren't all of those things about storylines and events that occurred over 8 years ago, looooooong before WWE had its format change? Harp on the past much? Now, I'm not saying that I love the WWE's current PG-rated product. If I could take WWE's talent and storylines and combine them with TNA's "tawdry and blood-soaked action", I would have the perfect wrestling product. What Bischoff doesn't get is that if he wants to make a valid point about the WWE, it's that Vince has turned what used to be a quality sports entertainment show and turned it into Barney the Dinosaur in Wrestling Tights. What Vince McMahon doesn't get is that if TNA had solid booking, continuity in their storylines, and younger talent in the spotlight, they would take the Ratings ball and run away with it. Heaven help the WWE if Dixie Carter ever figures that one out...

I Don't Have the Heart to Tell Him He Sucks

2010-03-27T13:23:00.006-05:00

*frustrated sigh* Well, it's back to updating my MySpace again...

After working a dark match for TNA against Homicide as part of a tryout deal, the company that apparently has a recruiting truck outside of the Madison House Assisted Living Facility has decided not to take on the the former Spirit Squad member Kenny Dykstra (wrestling under his real name, Kenn Doane) as a permanent fixture for the company. Doane, obviously upset that a man of his caliber didn't cut the mustard in WWE's biggest competitor had this little humble nugget to say on his Twitter page:

"Just got word that TNA won't be bringing me back 3/22. And plans have fallen through. Most Talented Free Agent, still on the market."

He followed up with a kind message to Dixie Carter:

"Great meeting you and thanks for taking a look at the Most Talented Free Agent in Pro Wrestling today ~Kenn Doane"

And I thought Bill Goldberg was full of himself. Don't worry Kenn, try again when you've aged about 25 more years and they will pull out all the stops to get you on the program and in the main event.

TNA News + Notes - 3/25 Edition

2010-03-25T15:31:00.002-05:00

A few short news items from the wonderful, wacky world of TNA Wrestling:

As seen above, TNA President Dixie Carter posted on Twitter today about the story making the rounds that TNA Impact will move to one hour earlier, for one night only. "To maximize viewership, iMPACT! will air on Spike from 8-10pm ET on 4/5 as to not conflict w/NCAA Men's bball finals on CBS. PLS RT," she tweeted. Sound strategy, perhaps, but shouldn't they be doing this EVERY week so as not to conflict with the juggernaut known as Monday Night Raw? Foolish pride, Dixie...
"The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero did an interview with the Dothan, Alabama newspaper "The Dothan Eagle" (does that not sound like a great gimmick name itself?) today in promotion for the TNA house show there tonight. In it, he continued to play up the "family" environment of TNA vs. the "everybody's only out for themselves" environment of the WWE locker room, and proclaimed that Sting was one of his top 3 people he ever wanted to meet. He says this is undoubtedly Sting's last year wrestling, and he wants to get in the ring with him at least once before Stinger hangs it up. You can read the rest at the Dothan Eagle online.
The Motor City Machinguns and Generation Me will adorn the cover of the Destination X DVD. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first DVD cover the Guns have taken. And I, for one, say "about damn time!" See the cover here at TNA's Facebook profile.
ShopTNA.com has released a hideous new Hogan shirt emblazoned with his sunglasses and mustache on the front, and "FU POWER" on the back. Jeff Hardy also has a new shirt that looks like every other shirt he's ever had, as well as a new one for Mr. Anderson with Pro Wrestling Is Real / People Are Fake on the front and back, respectively. In regards to that Anderson shirt... I WANT!
Mick Foley posted a blog on TNA's website shortly after Impact the other night addressing the punch on Bubba the Hate Sponge, in which he claimed that it wasn't a shoot because of the Kong incident, it was all pre-planned, etc etc. It was quickly taken down, and Mick's profile removed from the site due to his "firing" on-air. Which begs the question.... how the hell do you fire a shareholder?
From the "any smart fan should know this but the dirt sheets reported it anyway" department, the injury angle they ran on Hernandez on Monday is probably a cover for his short-term departure to Mexico to work with AAA. No word yet on anyone figuring out why Matt Morgan went from face to cocky heel again so quickly with no explanation (SEE?! I can blast TNA too when they do stupid shit!).
And finally, from the "not ashamed to love Shannon Moore" department, here's Shannon behind the wheel of an original Knight Rider car. Truly, truly awesome moment. Dare I say, the greatest Knight in the history of our sport (Oh God... I've gone to the puns. Time to wrap it up)? Shannon will be wrestling tonight at the aforementioned Dothan house show.

He's Just a Pretty Face

2010-03-25T07:46:00.002-05:00

John Morrison did some online chat, that basically amounts to the equivalent of being on Chat Roulette for ten minutes, allowing himself to be interviewed by the fans. One fan asked him which Wrestlemania was his favorite, to which her responded:

"My favorite was the one in Orlando (WrestleMania 24), because it was the only one I've been on."

Of course all of the people who jumped on the bandwagon because he was in the chatroom, thought that was a crying, crying shame. So someone asked him when he thought he'd get his shot at being World Champion, instead of saying "Never", he made something up.

"Who's champion now? Cena? Ugh. Boring. Yeah, I think my time is coming. I'm rounding the corner right now in the main event parking garage, where all the spots have been taken for a really long time."

I don't know what this means? Morrison is a babyface, so if he were heel I'd say he was in character. Either Batista is so forgettable as champion, Morrison made a mistake. Or they don't let him wrestle at Wrestlemania because he can't even keep track of who the world champion is.

It looks like something like this:

*John Morrison walks into the camera frame with his US Title on his shoulder.*

John Morrison: Who's US Champ right now? Ugh. Miz?

*Stares blankly*

If you don't even care to keep track of who the World Champions in the company are, you don't deserve to be at Wrestlemania. HACK!

Orton Won't Leave Wrestling for Hollywood

2010-03-25T07:34:00.002-05:00

Randy Orton did an interview with NOLA.com on his recent relocation to New Orleans to film his new WWE Studios movie Big Red, with "does not take just any role", 4 time Academy Award Nominee, Ed Harris. (The only thing helping me to think this movie might be good.)

Orton made reference to the WWE travel schedule, and said he wouldn't be leaving wrestling for Hollywood.

"It's go, go, go. So now that I'm in one place for a while, even though it's not my home, it's nice to be able to get into that routine... I'll always be a WWE wrestler, first and foremost."

Though not confirmed by official sources, some news sites are reporting that Orton is currently only appearing at Sunday house shows and Raw tapings on Monday Nights. It is also being reported that he, his wife, Samantha, and their 21-month-old daughter have relocated to New Orleans, leasing a townhouse near the movies' set, where Randy is enjoying being with his family 5 days a week when shooting wraps.

Goldberg Plotting a Comeback?

2010-03-25T06:58:00.003-05:00

Former World Heavyweight Champion and all-around mat technician Bill Goldberg has been blowing up his own twitter about a possible return with WWE.

"YES.. I am in negotiations with the WWE. Looks like 'ole Hogan and TNA missed the boat. Shame for the fans they didn't even try."
"Truth is I never thought I'd even consider it........then came my son"
"No one said I'd wrestle but the door is open again"
"Also.... If I ever did step in the ring again, I have a new tag partner. He goes by the name of 'Lights Out!!!!'"

"Lights Out," in this case, refers to San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman.

Nice to see that he's not still full of himself or anything. See, THIS is what would have gotten me excited about Bret Hart's return. I think a big part of me uncared about the Bret-Vince feud because I'd already seen that picture of them shaking hands when they mended the fence to create Bret's DVD. So for them to go back and rehash Montreal now, just seems forced and contrived. But THIS! For Bret Hart to get the chance to get in the ring with Greenberg again and punch him in his stupid tiny balls for being so inept and dangerous in the ring that he ended Bret's career with an errant kick... I would tune in every week for that shit (and this coming from a HUGE Goldberg mark back in the day. He was second only to Sting on my WCW Mark-o-meter). Goldberg WAS a phenomenon, but he was a one-trick pony. He was worse than Cena. At least Cena's got 5 moves of doom, Goldberg had the spear, the jackhammer, and a constipated scream if you could count that as number 3. I'd mark to see him come back, only because today, as a smart fan, I'd love to see this jackass get what was coming to him.

And besides, TNA doesn't need him -- they have Rob Terry. Goldberg is that old busted joint. Rob Terry is the new hotness.

As Much As It's Pissing Me Off...

2010-03-24T18:15:00.007-05:00

Hi, my name is Cory, and I'm a closet Batista fan.

...I'm starting to like Dave Batista.

When the man first debuted and flanked Triple H and Ric Flair in a little known stable called Evolution, my first impression was that he was a Goldberg with a douchebag goatee.

As he started to grow as a character (Oh wait, he didn't), I still thought he was a Goldberg with a douchebag goatee.

When he finally pushed himself into main event status alongside John Cena, he was boring. He had zero personality, zero mic skills, and zero athletic compliment. He was another cookie cutter Roid-freak with absolutely no redeeming qualities. At least John Cena had the Thuganomics thing going for him. Batista had the charisma of a wet sock. Nothing changed the ENTIRE TIME HE WAS A FACE. His attempt to be the rogue face (a la Triple H) was a failure. He just came off sounding like a dick to everyone he talked to. I think it's pretty safe to say that I've disliked Batista since his debut in the WWE.

That is, until now. I'm just going to come out and say it, because it's difficult for me.

I like Batista's new heel gimmick and I enjoy his promos.

/facepalm. Okay, give me a minute because that took a lot out of me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just the world's biggest heel mark. I loved Randy Orton's psychopathic reign of terror. I get giddy when I see the Miz come out for a promo. I totally dig Dolph Ziggler's Mr. Perfect-like attitude. Chris Jericho's esoteric rants still make me laugh out loud weeks after I hear them. I can't get enough of CM Punk's one promo that he still does REALLY WELL. If nothing more, I am an absolute fan of the charismatic heel.

So it would make sense that I immediately jump on the Batista's a Bad Guy bandwagon, right?

WRONG.

For the list of heel's that I love, there's an equally impressive list of heel's that I abhor. I cannot bear to listen to Sheamus for more than twelve seconds on the mic. I hate watching him wrestle. Big Show has been the same MONSTER THAT LOSES AT EVERY PAY PER VIEW for ten years. Abraham Washington and his laughing compatriot Tony Atlas were the biggest waste of space and time on ECW. I don't like Drew McIntyre, because every time I listen to his slow, overconfident manner of speaking, I feel like he's hitting on me. Whenever Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, or Jack Swagger take a mic into their hand, it takes a herculean effort not to mute the television.

I'm pretty sure I had a point here. Oh, yeah. My point is, any old Joe can't just get on the list of Superstars that I like. Batista had to pass a rigorous set of prerequisites in order to qualify. It took him eight years, but Batista finally passed!

Now, he's no Randy Orton or anything...

Make of it What You Will...

2010-03-24T10:39:00.002-05:00

If you need further proof that Randy Orton is going to throw his arms out in face glory on Sunday Night, the May 22nd Supershow Match that's been booked in Cincinnati, Ohio - thickens the pot.

Sheamus, Chris Jericho & CM Punk vs. Triple H, Randy Orton & Kofi Kingston

Does this mean a... Jericho Orton feud? More importantly... does this mean the rumors are true and Randy is going to Smackdown?? Or maybe Jericho is coming back to Raw? Doubtful. I don't know!!! Stop asking me! So many questions.

Seriously, If You Don't Do Anything Else All Day - Watch This

2010-03-24T10:34:00.001-05:00

This will undoubtedly be the best 7 minutes of your day.

Chris Jericho interrupted actor and former WCW Champion David Arquette on last night's Lopez Tonight Show and challenged his claim as a legit champion. Jericho said he has been waiting 10 years to erase Arquette's win from the record books and challenged him.

Arquette agreed to the challenge and changed into a Randy Savage outfit with replica WCW title belt. Jericho and Arquette settled their differences by doing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on karaoke.

I laughed, until I cried. Enjoy!

List of WWE Superstars Missing Wrestlemania

2010-03-23T16:32:00.001-05:00

With the Wrestlemania Card finalized - it is becoming clear that there will be no Divas match on the program. Which explains the 8 women featured on Raw last night. (Wait, what do you mean they do that all the time?) Here's a list of all the men not scheduled to appear.

Raw
Carlito
Chavo Guerrero
Chris Masters
Hornswoggle
Mark Henry
Primo
Santino Marella
Vladimir Kozlov
William Regal
Yoshi Tatsu
Zack Ryder

SmackDown
Caylen Croft
Curt Hawkins
David Hart Smith
Ezekiel Jackson
Finlay
Goldust
Jimmy Wang Yang
JTG
Kung Fu Naki
Mike Knox
Shad
Slam Master J
The Great Khali
Trent Barreta
Tyson Kidd

Matt Hardy Says the Same Crap He's Been Saying for 5 Years

2010-03-23T12:30:00.002-05:00

I've got the transcript if you're like me, and can't stand to listen to this asshat talk.

WWE star Matt Hardy posted his latest video blog after last night’s SmackDown TV taping from San Jose, California and vowed to reinvent himself this year and become the wrestling superstar that he’s destined to be.

Hardy says: “I promise you – I promise you, I promise you! – in 2010, I’m going to get into the shape of my life. 2010 is going to be the year of Matt Hardy. I have so much more to contribute to the professional wrestling business. I would say sports entertainment, but to hell with that, it’s pro wrestling. That’s what I do. I’m a pro wrestler. I’m going to make a change. I’m going to blow everyone’s minds.”

Hardy called out his “haters” and said he’s going to train harder than he’s ever trained before. “It’s time for me to totally reinvent myself; reinvent my moveset; reinvent my gameplan,” he said. “Special things are getting ready to happen.”

Cena Calls Wellness Policy "a...move that didn't need to be made"

2010-03-23T12:28:00.000-05:00

In an interview with Sky Sports, John Cena is asked to comment on WWE's Wellness Program, which most notably includes drug testing. While he feels the creation of the program was the right move on the company's part, he doesn't feel it was a necessary one as WWE Superstars are regarded as entertainers rather than organized athletes.

"It's nothing but a positive. I'll be quite honest with you, it's a company move that didn't need to be made," said Cena. "This is the entertainment industry, we're not organized athletics. But the WWE made a positive effort to look after its athletes and I'm very, very happy. It was the right move."

Cena is also asked to comment on his strenuous road schedule and whether it hurts to to "fight at least 250 times a year."

"I guess it depends on how good you do," he said. "On average, I would actually compare it to an American football game. It's very intense. The action is in spurts. We fight every night. We fight Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. So, it's like playing five American football games in five straight days. I've been doing it for eight years and I feel as strong as the day I started."

And we're as tired of you as the day you started! :)

BTLS Busted Open By Foley

2010-03-23T12:25:00.002-05:00

From SEScoops.com:
The punch to the face from Mick Foley on Bubba the Love Sponge during last night’s TNA iMPACT where Foley was leaving the building left Bubba’s nose busted open.

Bubba noted on Twitter that Foley misjudged the punch and hit him too hard.

Bubba also said that while he was being treated by EMT’s, Foley came back and apologized to him.

He also posted this picture of himself after the punch .. What do you guys think – work or shoot?

What do you wanna do? I don't know, what do YOU wanna do?

2010-03-22T17:03:00.003-05:00

I didn't write the snippet above, but I found it amusing.

According to Dixie Carter's Twitter Page, SpikeTV will NOT be reposting TNA iMPACT! on Thursday nights, as SpikeTV had originally planned to do. Carter had originally stated that this would be the case, and then SpikeTV opted to replay the show anyway due to plummeting ratings for the first two shows that went head to head with WWE Monday Night Raw. It seems as though TNA and SpikeTV have finally come to a singular decision about the show being solely the property of Monday nights.

Time will tell if the brand can bring the 1.0 average up to where it used to be prior to the change. After broadcasting a lackluster PPV show where not one single title changed hands and the World Title match was thrown out, somehow I have my doubts.

Destination X Preview

2010-03-21T12:50:00.003-05:00

Following last month's stellar Against All Odds pay-per-view, TNA brings us Destination X 2010 tonight, live from the fabulous Impact Zone! As Cenanuff's TNA division, I'm going to run through tonight's card and give you my take on the matches, and what I'd do if given the book.

TNA Global Championship
Rob Terry (c) vs Brutus Magnus
To be honest, I've been trying to care about these British Invasion guys and I just can't. It's not about being British, as I absolutely love Desmond Wolfe and Katie Lea and some of the others -- but Magnus, Terry, Doug Williams (whom we'll get to later), I just don't care. I'll guess that Magnus gets the win here, though I wish upon a faraway star that they'd either rebrand the belt again or return it to the "Legends" gimmick. "Global" just means "World," doesn't it? What makes it any different from the World Title?

TNA Women's Knockout Championship
Tara (c) vs Daffney
This is one of those matches that many of us old-schoolers have been wanting to see for a long time. Victoria was always WWE, Daffney was always WCW. Finally, we get a battle of the crazies! "Zombie Hot" Daffney kind of gets the edge for me here, but mostly because of the comedy that could ensue with her heading to the back and meeting up with Dr. Stevie and Raven (is this stable still together?), and showing off like she's better than both of them. Bonus points if she points at Dr. Stevie and screams "I SHOWED YOU!.... YOU SAW!"

Ladder Match for X-Division #1 Contendership
Kazarian vs Daniels vs Amazing Red vs Brian Kendrick
When they originally stated that Destination X would be an all-X-Division PPV, this is the kind of match we thought we'd see 8 times. In a way, I'm glad they scaled it back and decided to feature the entire roster, because while I love these X-Division spotfests, it could get really old seeing it all night long. This match has the potential to do just what Daniels said in his promo, and that's to take the X-Division to new heights. I don't think there are any losers in this matchup either -- I'd be happy for any one of the four to win. I'd like to see Daniels get the push, but I somehow see Kaz winning it. Kendrick could be a dark horse favorite.

TNA World Tag Team Championship
Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs Beer Money
Boy... it sure sucks that those damn Nasty Boys are taking all the spotlight away from the TNA Homegrown guys, eh? I think it's a foregone conclusion that Beer Money takes the straps here, and Morgan/Hernandi continue to split. Especially if the rumors of TNA sending SuperMex back home to Mexico for some recruitment trips or whatever it was. Beer! MONEY!

TNA X-Division Championship Match
Doug Williams (c) vs Shannon Moore
I understand that many internet fans don't like Shannon Moore, for some odd reason. The good news is, he's not here to impress the internet. I know I'm biased when it comes to Shannon, but I think he has to win this. Eating a clean loss would immediately kill off any hint of credibility he might have, and I don't want to see that happen. I don't know if he's "deserving" of a push like that off the bang, but did Santino "deserve" to win the IC title when he came out of the Italian crowd as a "fan?" The belt could really propel the guy, and I hope upon hope that he takes it. That, and I still uncare about Doug Williams or anything he does.

Ultimate X #1 Contenders To The Tag Team Titles
Motor City Machine Guns vs Generation Me
All I can say is, it's about damn time the Guns got a match on a pay-per-view again. GAWD. And I'd love to see them get the win and the push, obviously, but with Beer Money almost obviously winning the titles, and this being for the #1 contendership, I could see Generation Bucks getting that push. MCMG are still heels, I guess, whenever they actually get on TV, so it'd be kinda hard to push a "heel vs heel" tag title feud when the fans want to cheer for both teams. Regardless, this ought to be another fantastic spotty match, and the two teams have been working with each other quite a bit on the house show circuit, so it almost certainly promises to tear the house down (if Sabin's feeling ok - word last night was he was puking his guts out.)

Hall & Waltman's Contracts On The Line!
Kevin Nash & Eric Young vs Scott Hall & Sean Waltman
No brainer -- Nash turns on EY, and the Wolfpac is reborn again. While I know Ben Nichols will jizz himself for it, I don't know if I'm really behind the idea. What I WOULD like to see is for the Wolfpac to reform, only to haul in a few new kids and push them to the moon as the sort of "next generation" of Outsiders. This is mostly because I can do without seeing Hall hobble around the ring, though Waltman seems to be in pretty decent shape. Either way, this whole thing kind of bores me this time around. I'm usually a nostalgia mark, but there's so much incredible young talent on this roster that could be using the spot.

Grudge Match
Kurt Angle vs Mr. Anderson
Great build, and TNA has quickly made Anderson into a much better character than he ever was in WWE. He's finally living up to his potential, and I couldn't be happier for the guy. And while I love me some Angle, and kind of tire of him always ending up putting the other guy over, I think Anderson needs to win this. Anderson can easily slip into a sort of "Triple H Reign of Terror" role, where he's the smarmy jackass that you just can't beat and that makes you hate him even more. Angle winning would be the feel-good story of the year, but I don't want to see Anderson losing his heat.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles vs Abyss
This one is kind of hard to read. Abyssamania is running wild, and he's finally getting a decent push again, showing shades of the old Monster, but Flair and AJ running around with no belt almost seems pointless. I'd be all for another Abyss run at this point -- especially after Anderson wins the last match, it would kind of suck to send the fans home doubly disappointed. Assuming no Flair/Hogan shenanigans, I'm just gonna say it -- Abyss walks out with the title. UNLESS... Hogan turns on him. I could do without seeing that, but I would not be a bit surprised.

All in all, I forsee a pay-per-view with buttloads of potential. And while the weekly Impacts have been hit-or-miss, I have to hold out hope that they can book another PPV as solidly as Against All Odds. I hate that I'll be at work tonight, but hopefully those of you who get to watch it won't be disappointed. And if the rest of the show is nearly as good as the opening, we're all in for one hell of a show.

Your Big Mouth Creates Less Cash

2010-03-20T17:23:00.002-05:00

A couple of days ago Eric Bischoff bragged to a fan on his Facebook page that he had recently received a $50,000 royalty check from WWE for his book, Controversy Creates Cash.

The number seemed slightly ridiculous, but after the bragging WWE Shop now lists Bischoff's book at $1.98 - which means if he gets just a 20% cut he's making roughly $.38 per book.

This made me giggle.

Shawn Says He's Retiring

2010-03-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

The latest issue of WWE Magazine (out on newsstands this Tuesday) features an interview with Shawn Michaels and during the piece he is asked when he plans on retiring from wrestling. He says he's already made the decision to retire, but that he'd rather not disclose when it will be at this time.

"I've made that decision, but I'd rather keep it private," Michaels told WWE Magazine. "I think about my retirement all the time."

As reported earlier, This week's issue of the Wrestling Observer reports that Michaels has been telling friends he plans on retiring at WrestleMania. It's worth noting that he's not advertised for any shows past the night following the pay-per-view when Raw emanates from the US Airways Center in Phoenix, Arizona.

Did Scott Hall Spoil the Wolfpac Match?

2010-03-20T14:59:00.002-05:00

WARNING: Video includes salty language and extreme irrelevant over-the-hill opinions -- and Scott Hall.

In one of the latest episodes of "Last Call with Scott Hall," Hall and Larry Zbyszko (along with a couple other random dudes) are seen sitting around watching last week's episode of TNA Impact, "gearing up" for Destination X. Aside from Zbyszko being obnoxiously smarmy (and borderline homophobic) in regards to Flair and AJ, Hall mentions having some Wolfpac merchandise that's "not for sale yet." This may or may not be an indication that Hall and Waltman will take the win tomorrow night and "win their contracts." Whether this means a Nash heel turn on EY (which NOBODY could see coming) remains to be seen.

Well... if this means we're dropping the stupid "Band" name in favor of bringing back "Wolfpac(k)," I'm game. I could do without seeing Hall try to wrestle these days, though.

NEWS FLASH: The Observer Got It Wrong!

2010-03-20T14:32:00.002-05:00

Not gon' do it. Wouldn't be prudent.

Jim Ross has been denying the talks of him calling Wrestlemania, saying on his twitter, WWE Universe blog, and his own official site that he's attending the show "strictly as a fan," the first time he's ever gotten to do that.

In other news, I love it when the more "respected" dirt sheets get it wrong. A dirt sheet, by any other name, is still a dirt sheet. (And yes, I realize the irony in me decrying the sheets on a blog like this, but hey... we're here for the witty commentary and funny pictures. So there. :P )

Jeff Hardy might be shooting himself in the...mouth

2010-03-20T07:06:00.003-05:00

Modest. At the top.

Jeff Hardy and his defense team requested a continuation the other day, when his trial was supposed to start, and it was granted. His new court date is May 10. And how does he celebrate? Dixie, take it away...

Now if I'm on trial for drug possession/trafficking, do I really request a continuance only to turn around and hit the road to partake in a profession known for its raucous backstage drug use? As much as I want to believe in his innocence (and the partiality of his judge/jury), unfortunately, I think he's just delaying the inevitable.

Oh! Oh! Shawn!

2010-03-19T14:37:00.003-05:00

Leave the memories alone...

Also from the WO Newsletter, Shawn Michaels has reportedly been telling friends he's set to retire after Wrestlemania. Previous reports had said he was simply taking the summer off again, but it appears he "really means it this time." He's attempted to quietly hang it up a couple of times before, but always comes back at the behest of Vince McMahon. He reportedly gave the company his retirement date a year ago, according to a radio interview, and that date coincided with this year's Mania.

If this is true... ok, fine. I'll rescind my previous attacks on HBK/Taker II. I'll look forward to it, and cry like a little girl when Shawn eats a tombstone.

Bringing some class back to the table

2010-03-19T14:31:00.003-05:00

JR, how I've missed thee.

According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, Jim Ross has been tapped to once again step in and call Wrestlemania. The team will consist of JR, Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler, with Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, and Josh Mathews working backstage interviews. JR's not planning to return to television full time; he's only just recently signed a one-month contract extension after his previous one ended.

Obviously I (and anyone with half a brain) would prefer Striker in Cole's spot, but this is a huge step in the right direction. Here's hoping JR runs circles around Cole and makes him look even more ridiculous than he usually is right up there on the "grandest stage of them all!"

TNA News & Notes

2010-03-18T18:12:00.003-05:00

A few notes from the world of TNA Wrestling today:

After having previously cancelled the Impact replay on Thursday nights, Spike TV made the call to bring it back this week due to strong numbers on the replay last week -- Monday night's Impact will again air tonight. No word on how long-term this will be.
Awesome Kong appears to finally be done with the company. After having her profile pulled from the site (TNA's way of announcing departures since they don't address them directly), then re-added, and now removed again, sources are saying it's final. Then again, it was "final" last time, so who really knows?
Ric Flair has been telling people he's fully enjoying his role in TNA because he missed playing a heel. Says he thinks he has one last big match left in him, and has hinted that he'd like it to be against Kurt Angle. In related news, Ric's son Reid Flair is reportedly going to be backstage at some upcoming Impact tapings. No word on whether he'll be used on screen or if he's just there learning the ropes.
As one could imagine, the Hulkster's back has been in much pain since his attempt at wrestling on the big Monday debut show. As of now, there are no more plans for him to get back into the ring.
And finally, those fantastic mysterious "sources" are saying that TNA has scaled back on its scripting of promos for some of their top stars like Hogan, Angle, Anderson, Flair, etc., choosing rather to just give them bullet points to cover and let them fill in the blanks themselves. This would probably explain Hogan's incoherent babbling as of late.

No Divas at Wrestlemania 26??

2010-03-17T06:57:00.003-05:00

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio was added to the Wrestlemania Card at last night's Smackdown Tapings - which creates a very top heavy card, with no Divas in sight. It's hard to tell with so many matches already booked, whether or not they'll give any time to the Divas on the Grandest Stage of Them All. Here's what's rumored to be, the final card.

WWE Title Match
John Cena vs. Batista

World Heavyweight Title Match
Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Career vs. Streak Match
Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker

No Holds Barred Match
Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon

WWE Unified Tag Team Title Match
John Morrison & R-Truth vs. The Miz & Big Show

Triple Threat Match
Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase

Street Fight
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne vs. Drew McIntyre

Triple H vs. Sheamus

I'm already snoring at that main event.

Break Down on Monday Night's Ratings

2010-03-17T06:50:00.000-05:00

As noted before, this week's WWE RAW with Steve Austin scored a 3.7 rating with around 5.60 million viewers. The first hour drew a 3.68 rating and the second hour drew a 3.73. RAW was up 8.2% in ratings this week compared to last week and viewership was up 10%.

The first hour of RAW drew 5.57 million viewers, the most first-hour viewers since the August 24th, 2009 RAW - the night after SummerSlam. The second hour went to 5.63 million viewers, the most since January 4th, 2010.

iMPACT's first hour last night averaged an 0.88 and the second hour did an 0.80 rating. The iMPACT rating this week was down 15% from last week and viewership was down 21.4% from last week.

Just like last week, iMPACT followed the pattern of starting with a high number that dropped throughout the show, including the AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy main event. iMPACT opened with an 0.84 quarter-hour segment but bottomed-out with an 0.72 rating for the final 15 minutes of the show. The over-run for the end of the main event slightly increased to an 0.74.

Last Nights Ratings

2010-03-16T17:10:00.001-05:00

More to follow, but preliminary ratings for Raw and iMPACT are in.

WWE RAW drew a 3.7, up from last week’s 3.4

TNA iMPACT! did a 0.8 cable rating, down from last week’s 1.0.

WWE Superstars in MacGruber

2010-03-16T16:44:00.002-05:00

Watch the video for the theatrical trailer of the new movie MacGruber, a parody of popular 80s show MacGyver. The trailer features Mark Henry, The Great Khali & Chris Jericho.

Tomorrow is the Big Day!

2010-03-16T15:41:00.001-05:00

Current TNA superstar Jeff Hardy’s trial on four cases will begin tomorrow, March 17th, in the Superior Court of Moore County, North Carolina.

Hardy was arrested on September 11, of last year when police searched his home and found 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine and drug paraphernalia.

Jeff was indicted on January 4th, 2010. Hardy is currently facing five felonies in total, a misdemeanor charge and a conspiracy charge. Below are the charges related to his arrest.

* Felony drug trafficking
* Two counts of felony possession of a schedule III controlled substance or drugs.
* Misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia
* Conspiracy to traffic opium for trafficking four or more grams but less than fourteen grams of opium/heroin.

The conspiracy to traffic opium charge is a new charge that has recently been brought forth.

A 12-persona jury will be seated in the court room to overhear the case, and when the DA and Defense rest their case, the jury will determine whether Hardy is Guilty or Not Guilty on each of the charges.

If the jury finds Hardy guilty of any charges, another court date will be set for sentencing.

More on Helms Release

2010-03-16T11:14:00.001-05:00

More is coming out on possible reasons for the release of Shane Helms. Many felt that he didn't match the WWE's new "PG" initiative.

Though it has not been confirmed, the feeling among several WWE sources is that Gregory Helms sealed his fate with the company when he was arrested for public intoxication in Kentucky in late January, reports the Pro Wrestling Torch. He was brought back to television shortly after the incident, but was the victim of a beatdown angle and never appeared in a WWE ring again.

“He gave them an excuse,” said one insider with knowledge of the situation.

Helms developed a reputation as a party guy within the company by posting notes on Twitter about drinking contests and parties he took part in. Though it initially seemed harmless, a few eyebrows were raised when he posted a message regarding a drinking contest that he and Christopher Daniels were having last August, which was proceeded by the TNA star being arrested on charges of driving under the influence just miles from Helms’ North Carolina residence.

Welcome to Monday Night Childish!

2010-03-16T10:57:00.003-05:00

Triple H & Randy Orton once again become the only reason I watch Monday Night Raw. Last night WWE managed to take one of the best personalities in Wrestling over the last 15 years, and turn him into their own personal mascot.

Raw - lacking experience, gritty, unrefined in nature. Talk to Merriam-Webster, that's the definition. WWE might as well change their name. Monday Night Childish. Monday Night Watered Down. I wasn't surprised when they bleeped out every time Stone Cold said ass - but I was disappointed.

However, WHERE WAS THE STUNNER?! Stone Cold is the guest host and there is no flippin' Stunner!? Hello? NOBODY got the Stunner? Batista? Vince? Anybody??

And now Pete Rose hosts the last Raw before Wrestlemania. Even that guy took a tombstone.

Overall, Stone Cold's hosting gig was a huge disappointment. And I shudder to think what they're going to do to The Rock. I hope Dwayne Johnson has the cajones to tell them, if he can't go out their and be The Rock - he isn't going to do it all.

Hallelujah!

2010-03-14T14:50:00.003-05:00

What it probably looked like.

The slow and painful Randy Orton face turn continued last night at a house show in Fresno, California, where this was the scene after Randy defeated Legacy in a handicap match.

*snoopy dance*

This D-Bag is Better Than Stone Cold

2010-03-11T17:07:00.003-06:00

He's sick of all you people talkin out your heads.

As of today, Batista has officially held the WWE World Title (though I'm not sure if this is combined WWE and WHT titles or not) longer than Stone Cold. Batista's reign now stands at 530 days, surpassing Stone Cold's mark of 529 and Randy Savage's 520.

Outside of turning on Evolution, has this guy ever done anything notable? He's a big roided up freak with marginal mic skills and a douchebaggy look on his face. Ugh. Here's hoping Stone Cold can win the title as Guest Host on Monday, hold it for the 30 days before he's stripped, and put this "animal" back in his cage.

NXT Ratings Drop

2010-03-11T16:51:00.003-06:00

WWE's burgeoning "rookie" show, NXT on SyFy, lost nearly 25% of its viewership this week. While last week's 1.73 rating spelled 1.7 million viewers, this week's show dropped to just under 1.3 million viewers, and a 1.0 rating. Surprising, because, really, who WOULDN'T want to see exciting young stars like Justin Gabriel and that one dude with the frizzy hair that CM Punk doesn't like and whoever the hell Carlito is mentoring and... that dude that's supposed to be Antonio Tarver's son even though Tarver would have had to have fathered him when he was 12... yeah......

In other news, TNA Impact had a slightly lower rating, but did pull in more viewers (1.36 mil compared to NXT's 1.298). BAH GAWD, TNA BEAT WWE!

This Guy's Still On His Own Planet

2010-03-11T16:45:00.003-06:00

Former WWE and WCW "star" Shawn Stasiak has been telling anyone who will listen that his arrival in TNA is imminent. Trouble is, anyone involved in TNA who would knows has apparently said that they haven't heard a thing about it.

DAMMIT HONKY TONK MAN! SEE WHAT YOU STARTED?!

WWE Hall of Famer Arrested

2010-03-10T16:16:00.000-06:00

While this has not been confirmed, www.f4wonline.com is reporting that Iron Sheik (real name Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri) was arrested last week after boarding a flight with AirTran.

Apparently, the WWE Hall of Famer got belligerent on his flight and personnel discovered alcohol in his bag. Sheik was in Las Vegas "for a bong connection," which is where the incident supposedly took place.

Cast of MacGruber to Host Raw

2010-03-10T11:28:00.002-06:00

Andy Samburg must be busy...

WWE announced today that Saturday Night Live cast members Will Forte and Kristen Wiig will bring their MacGruber co-star Ryan Phillippe to guest host Monday Night Raw when it emanates from East Rutherford, New Jersey on Apr. 19. MacGruber opens on Apr. 23 and also features a number of WWE Superstars such as Mark Henry and Montel Vontavious Porter.

2005 Called...

2010-03-10T11:21:00.002-06:00

Audioslave isn't even a band anymore.

For some ungodly reason WWE has announced that "Be Yourself" by Audioslave is the 3rd Official Wrestlemania Theme Song. I liken this to them using Kid Rock's "So Hott" last year for Wrestlemania 25... even though the song was three years old already. Kid Rock at least appeared on the PPV and performed the song while the divas did their entrance. I'd take any excuse to see Chris Cornell on WWE, except... umm... Audioslave isn't even a band anymore...

If "Be Yourself" sounds familiar, it was the Theme Song for the 2005 Divas Search, and Ashley Massaro used it as he theme song for a while.

Get It On. Bang a Gong. Get It On.

2010-03-10T06:53:00.002-06:00

Post Wrestlemania house show events are advertising Randy Orton -v- Christian. It is thought that the two men will feud with Christian doing something to turn heel between now and Wrestlemania. Sources (whoever they are)say WWE creative is dragging out a Randy face turn, because that don't really want to do it, but feel the fans are painting Randy into a corner. If anything happens in the next few weeks that could help Randy play the heel - it is thought he will remain one.

If the face turn continues, expect Orton to scuffle with Christian. Sources went on to say that Randy Orton is "comfortable" and "confident" about a face turn.

The Ratings Are In...

2010-03-09T17:29:00.002-06:00

The overnight ratings are in, and as follows:

Monday Night Raw did a 3.4 rating, with hours of 3.25 and 3.5. This clocks in at just a tick under 5.1 million viewers. The rating is down from last week's 3.7.

TNA iMPACT! garnered a whopping 0.98, rounded up to 1.0. They hauled in roughly 1.36 million viewers, and were down a hair from last week's 1.1 rating.

For all the hype, this has to be considered a disappointment for TNA. However, what it does show is that the core TNA audience is staying loyal to Impact, regardless of Wrestlemania build-up. What happens next week when their taped show goes up against the return of Stone Cold could be brutal, but then again, the January 4 show didn't do so badly and that was against the return of Bret Friggin Hart. WWE also has to be concerned at the sharp dropoff from last week as they push toward their biggest payday of the year. I'd say it's disappointing for both shows to have lost viewers from last week.

Tuesday News + Notes

2010-03-09T16:16:00.002-06:00

- AFTER THE BELL: After Raw went off the air, Sheamus hit the ring and put the boots to Cena, followed by Hunter clearing the ring, taking a mic, and setting up a Sheamus-Batista vs. Cena-HHH dark match. Ended with Batista getting the FU/Attutide Adjustment, Sheamus taking a Pedigree, and the crowd went home happy. Post-IMPACT, Jeff Hardy, Abyss, and Hogan soaked up the cheers from the crowd while doing some Hogan pose-downs (which could be seen briefly during the start of the online post-show), while Pope sold the ankle injury and headed out.

- Ric Flair was replaced in WWE's opening montage by the Ultimate Warrior, leading some to believe that Warrior has re-agreed to join the WWE Hall of Fame. Personally, I just think it was another case of "he works for the other company so get him off our montage now," and a way to suck up to said Warrior.

- The Shawn Michaels 3-disc DVD set "My Journey" hit stores today.

- With Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne winning the Knockout Tag Titles on Impact last night for the 3-woman Beautiful People team, word is they'll be allowed to defend the titles under Freebird Rules. The rule is named for the 3-man team of the Fabulous Freebirds, Michael Hayes, Terry Gordy, and Buddy Roberts, who broke new ground in the 80's by performing as a "3-man tag team," meaning any 2 of the 3 were allowed to defend the titles at any given time.

- Following last night's show, Shannon Moore, Jeff Hardy, and Rob Van Dam have been added to the TNA Roster page at http://www.tnawrestling.com. In attendance backstage was the recently departed Scott Steiner, though he wasn't used for the show. Also backstage was Al Snow, who was reportedly getting a tryout as an agent.

All the wrestling world's a-twitter

2010-03-09T11:56:00.002-06:00

Just an update on what many in the wrestling world had to say about last night's historic evening:

@IAmJericho: The beat down of RVD 20 seconds into his debut in TNA was mind boggling. I dont understand how so many talented people can be so clueless

@TheRealRVD: Harmoniously, the world came together, as one, and chanted RVD Motherf$cker!

@JeffHardyBrand: ILoveSomeTNA..trust me my fans...I'm in an amazing place..believe in me&I refuse 2 let you down! This is a movement my fans...please join me where I am & let's make history together because I...we can't do this on our own..we need your commitment...I've always been cool with you...so I ax4 you to be cool with me now. Dixie is a badassBoss..LoveHer!...I need you my fans!...I can't do this alone!...4:58am....I like to believe&I think everyone loves anUnderdog....

@TheShannonBrand: I'm back!!!!!!!!!...Welcome to GlamRock!!!!!....@TNADixe [sic] is the most amazing boss ever.TNA TNA TNA!!!!!!!

@BethBrittBrand: Just had a wonderful time hanging with the TNA crew. Especially @TNADixie. Can't wait to see what's in store for tomorrow!

@OfficialTAZ: Glad u all loved the show...had a blast!!!....420 line getting some luv from FTW Nation! Cool.

@SerenaDeeb: Vintage Vince McMahon...hahaha wonderful

@TheRealMorrison: Black magic & the white shadow...? Rock 'n Rap...? Rush Hour 5...? Miami Twice...? We're schemin' on the way to Seattle- what do u think?

I know this is a little TNA heavy, but those seem to be the ones excited about their product. The only real twitter excitement from anyone in WWE seems to be Morrison trying to find a cutesy nickname for his slopped-together tag team with R-Truth. I'm trying to remain unbiased, but it's pretty sad that we're just 3 weeks away from "the Granddaddy of them all" and hardly anyone in the WWE seems to care... or they're just confining their opinions to their own "universe" while TNA takes advantage of the already existent popularity of Twitter and Youtube. I guess time will tell.

Heaven's Demons debut on Impact!

2010-03-08T15:52:00.001-06:00

Just a quick note -- as tweeted by Beth, Jeff's girlfriend, about an hour ago:

"Ok, just got the green light to post this. If ur a Jeff Hardy & Shannon Moore fan, watch TNA on SpikeTV at 9pm. It's gonna be good!"

I think I just squealed. :D

Day 1: The Battle of the Sleeves.

2010-03-08T10:52:00.002-06:00

Hi. I'm Ashlee. My esteemed colleagues have given their opinions on Monday Night Wars II. I was at the same Lockdown where the "electric cage" was some fireworks going off and the lights flickering. This is a perfect example of TNA doing everything halfway. In two short months Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff and the other people whispering in Dixie Carter's ear have managed to take everything that was inventive and different about TNA and turn it into WCW Lite.

When Kurt Angle is no longer the most important thing on the program, considering the price tag he comes with, there's a problem. Sting doesn't even want anything to do with the program. You know why that is? Because he hates Bischoff/Hogan politics. He did that in WCW, and he's over it. Jeff Jarrett carried that company on his back for nearly three years, and it's like he's being ushered out the side door. Because a man that's going to keel over dead before we get out of this decade wants one more Wrestlemania moment... oh wait, someone told Hogan there's no Wrestlemania right.

The TNA Knockouts Division was one of the best things going for it. It is heads and tails above the WWE Divas Division. WWE is down to two women who can actually bring it in the ring. (Natalya and Gail Kim) I'm counting at least 6 women on the TNA Roster that are WRESTLERS. Not bad to look at, but as I'm sitting here, real life wrestlers. Already rumors that Hogan thinks Tag Belts for the women are "a waste of time" and women should "be used less". Again, sucking the life out of everything that was inventive and good about the program in the first place. I'm not saying WWE handles the Divas any better. I'm saying TNA no longer has a leg up on the competition.

The X-Division is another prime example of this. Sure, Samoa Joe and some other "heavyweights" got themselves some spot-errific moments in X-Division matches, but there was a time when X-Division wrestling was a big deal in TNA. Now the premiere "mid card" PPV is being changed, and Destination X is being "Revamped" because 'the X-Division can't carry it by themselves'. Newsflash TNA - I would rather watch a 3 hour Alex Shelley promo than ANYTHING Hulk Hogan has to say. I could watch Amazing Red, Shannon Moore, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, and Jay Lethal wrestle all day. Instead I get the Nasties and whoever else you pull out of prescription drug hell.

But tonight: I find myself uninspired. I am generally lackadaisical about both programs. Here are our main events:

Monday Night Raw: John Cena -v- Mr. McMahon (which just screams of Batista and possibly Bret Hart.)

TNA iMPACT: Hulk Hogan & Abyss -v- Ric Flair & AJ Styles

My personal feelings about Ric Flair being the Bret Favre of wrestling and toying with fans emotions notwithstanding, what is this?! It's a pretty sorry state of affairs when Vince McMahon thinks he's a draw. Given a choice, to avoid seeing Vince flex his inhumanely large 70 year old biceps, I will probably switch the channel to see how badly Hogan and Flair embarrass themselves. You would think Vince would be busting his hump to make sure the last 20 minutes of this show keep people on USA. But I think Vince is still no selling this whole TNA thing. That, or he's brilliant. Let them think they're making headway. Then bring back The Rock. Mark my words, TNA will sink faster than the Titanic when Rock comes back. Vince will be waving from his 4.1 million dollar Trump Tower apartment in Stamford, while the Fire Fighters are still putting out the blaze, because he just burned that one down.

Criss Angel. The Divas doing something stupid. Santino taking part in some magic trick. Hornswoggle eating Lucky Charms. The aforementioned main event, and a handicap match between Randy Orton & Legacy.

or

TNA's nostalgia driven main event. The Knockouts doing something stupid. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry you've ever heard of popping up on the screen for all of ten seconds. Rob Van Dam with Sabu's gimpy self trailing behind. And Shannon Moore, more than likely there to introduce Jeff Hardy, but there none the less.

Forgive my indifference - but this simply amounts to a battle of the well tattooed arms for me. Randy Orton -v- Shannon Moore (AH! New Dream Match!) Shannon will pop up on screen to fist pump somebody. Randy's teetering the fine line between face and heel every week with complete precision. I'm left every week going, 'Did he just turn? Will he turn. Ugh! Just turn him alreaaadddy.'

So tonight's point is going to go to WWE. But I'm warning you Vince, if Randy Orton's match is the only reason I'm watching - and you continue to put his matches first - I'm probably going to be forced to change the channel. I'm not saying Orton should be the star of the show. I'm saying opening Raw with a Randy Orton match (Randy's last three matches have been the first on the night's card) then padding me with Guest Host promos and Diva's bull rides/pillow fights until an anticlimactic Batist/Cena laden main event, I'm changing the channel after Orton. Because there's no longer something for everybody in the show. I have a feeling I'm not the only one who watches Raw for two or three people. (Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, Miz) If those people continue to be knocked down the card in favor of Vince McMahin in spandex, I might be forced to try the alternative. Don't MAKE me do it.

Randy Orton: 1
Shannon Moore: 0

The War Begins

2010-03-08T10:29:00.001-06:00

Hello, my name is Cory, and I'm going to share my thoughts about tonight.

We are winding down the hours before the inaugural TNA iMPACT! show that marks the beginning of the Monday Night Wars II. Seeing as how my esteemed colleague Brian has posted his eloquent thoughts about his passion for the TNA brand, I thought I might do the same. My analysis, however, will likely be a smidgeon more sardonic. You have been warned.

When I first started watching TNA, I had the bright eyed, bushy tailed look of a new prospective fan, eager to shed myself of the mediocrity I had been previously subjected to by watching WWE’s Monday Night Variety Show (read: Raw). Witnessing the WWE make every desperate attempt to force the fans to cheer for John Cena week in and week out, instead of letting characters evolve into their natural alignment as the fans opinion changed, was starting to destroy my faith in the brand. So, imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon Spike TV and watched the hour long program with a wrestling show that involved a… hexagonal ring?! I was, for lack of a better term, hooked.

That all began to change around the time that Dixie Carter made the announcement that TNA had signed a deal with a little known man by the name of Terry Bollea. Well, at least that’s the name the courtroom knew him by, some of you may know him by the name of Hulk Hogan. He and Eric Bischoff came out to the ring, and claimed BOLDLY that everyone that was currently a part of the “New Era” in TNA had to earn their shot at fame.

-Never mind that there were people (*COUGH*MACHINEGUNS*COUGH*) in the company with more talent, more dedication, and more seniority than half the people getting a push.

-Never mind that within a week of Hogan’s takeover, nearly every geriatric has-been looking to be important again had a freshly inked contract in the company. (I’m looking at the Nasty Boys, Ric Flair, Sean Waltman, and Scott Hall.

-Never mind that the decision was made at the last minute of the January 4th, 2010 edition of iMPACT! to permanently change the ring from the innovated hexagon to the normal four-sided ring.

-Never mind that the aforementioned edition of iMPACT! Opened up with the shocking return of Jeff Hardy, but STILL only managed to net a 1.5 rating. (Maybe because seeing 287,349 people debut on one show ceases to become interesting after the 4th or 5th run-in.

-Never mind the mess of unfinished and pointless storylines that will continue on with no purpose whatsoever, or will just suddenly end with little to no notice. The WWE’s storylines may be ridiculous, but most of them will be followed through to their conclusion.

Do I think that TNA does some things right? Absolu-friggin’-lutely. D’Angelo Dinero is a perfect example of TNA doing something that should have been done a long time ago. AJ Styles is a perfect example of someone who belongs in the main event consistently. His partnership with Ric Flair will likely only mean good things for the guy.

Do I want to see TNA knock the WWE off its high horse and actually have to TRY to make a good program for once? YES! I’ll say it from the highest mountaintop.

Do I think that’s gonna happen. Without a doubt, no. I don’t think TNA can do it. Let’s just speak in hypothetical terms for a moment. Let’s pretend that the WWE loses .5 of its average 3.5 rating to TNA, making TNA net a 2.0. The MOMENT that happens, the watchful eye of the WWE war machine will turn to stare directly at TNA. Vince McMahon will pull out guns that we haven’t seen since the heyday of the WCW. They will attempt to snipe every piece of useful talent from TNA’s locker room, and promise money that TNA simply just cannot afford to offer. When you’re a talented guy like TNA’s mid-card is chock full of, and you’re getting a $500 hand out for each show you perform (sometimes travel expenses are at least that much), your loyalty to the “Little Engine That Could” will fail pretty quickly. Especially if Vince is offering a signing bonus, a PPV bonus, a payout even if you don’t have a match, and a ton of other ways to make money.

The long and short of my long winded diatribe is this. I want to see TNA succeed, and I want the Monday Night Wars to be FIERCE. I just don’t know if TNA will be able to win the day when they’re bringing a butterknife to a nuclear war.

Rumors/Confirmation on TNA Appearances for Tonight - So Far

2010-03-08T09:59:00.004-06:00

Just when you thought TNA couldn't pull anyone else out of wrestling purgatory:

- Jeff Hardy is possible to appear on tonight's live iMPACT. Hardy filmed sitdown interviews for TNA in Orlando a few weeks back for a video package that is supposed to air on TV soon. (There or conflicting reports, some say the videos were filmed in North Carolina; as there are strong rumors that Hardy isn't allowed to leave the state.)

- There's a rumor going around that Sabu will be appearing as a surprise on tonight's live iMPACT. Considering his friendship with Rob Van Dam, it would be possible. Sabu recently appeared for the XICW promotion in Michigan and is scheduled to wrestle for them on March 21st.

- Carolina independent wrestlers Phil Shatter, Mikael Judas and Kimo are in Orlando and scheduled to be at tonight's iMPACT. They had been working on-air as security for TNA until this past December.

-Sting and RVD have pretty much been confirmed by Dixie Carter and SpikeTV.