Undertaker's Not Allowed To Love His Wife

In recent issues of WWE magazine(s), and the most recent pictures on wwe.com (such as the one above, from last night's Smackdown), The Undertaker's tattoo of "Sara" has been photoshopped off from his neck. He still has the tattoo, obviously, as anyone who watched Unforgiven or Smackdown can plainly see. But, for some unknown reason, there's no "Sara" in these pictures.

*Knock knock* Vince? Yeah, hi. Me again. I hate to tell you, but kayfabe died a horrible painful death several years ago. You can give Taker back his deadman gimmick, but we all remember that he had short hair and rode a bike to the ring, and that his wife was "kidnapped" by DDP. We know that Mark Calloway is married. We know the Undertaker has been "killed" and "come back to life" more times than Carter's got pills. We... don't care.

Please, stop insulting our intelligence.

Random Hotness (female edition)!

That's Leticia Cline, TNA personality. I'm pretty much in love with her. You should really go vote for her for Maxim's "hometown hotties" contest. Follow this link and vote! It takes all of 3 seconds, and she deserves it. She's a doll. She kinda looks like a young Trish Stratus.

And that, as DDP would say.... is a good thing. :D

Enjoy It While It Lasts.

Enjoy CM Punk as champ, because it might not last much longer.

Rumblings are indicating that when John Hennigan returns from his steroid suspension, he's going to be rewarded by... getting the ECW title back. For a good long reign.

Ummmmm, hi. ECW writers? Yeah, remember a few months ago when it was supposed to be Benoit vs. Punk for the vacated title? And Nitro only got in because Benoit was gone due to "family emergency" (heh)? Yeah, so where in the blue hell did this John Morrison super push title reign come from?

Furthermore... yeah, HI! Vince? Yeah, do you not realize that you're in the midst of quite possibly the biggest steroid scandal the WWE/F has ever seen? And that Jim Morrison was a drugged out hippie? While CM Punk is legit straight-edge and would be the absolute PERFECT guy to be representing your company as champion right now? My God, this stuff writes itself and you'd rather put the title back on Hennigan when he returns.

And they tell me TNA booking is bad.

It would be great if this were true.

Everything printed lately is indicating that TNA is still operating on a light schedule, but they are becoming more and more like WWE with each passing day. With the new two hour program TNA is said to be putting tighter restrictions on the talent, which is limiting their indy show appearances. Obviously Indy Shows are the real self-esteem pay off because the matches are longer and the theatrics are less.

Hernandez, Homicide, Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, and the best thing to hit wrestling in years, Alex Shelley... are all in talks to leave the company, because they wish to continue their work with independent promotions and promotions in Japan. They have reportedly been ask to stay until the two hour tapings begin since they will have an opportunity for more screen time.

I hope this is true. I hope they do leave. All of them, because they have entertained fans for years with TNA now, and they are continually getting overlooked. I had a conversation with Vince Russo about this in June outside the Civic Center in Nashville, TN at the Slammiversary
PPV. Well, it was actually just me screaming at him, and him getting all pissy, but I told him that he was booking Shelley all wrong.

I so hope they leave. Shelley and Sabin especially. The current creative team is trying to find a way to introduce Nash back into action and Russo is rallying for this. On top of that, you've got them trying to get Hall back in. Yet three of the most talented wrestlers I've ever seen sit idle, and Joe has less than 12 months left on his contract, and he's not really interested in talking about resigning right now.

Wake up TNA. Reduced schedules only keep talent happy for so long. Especially when the PPVs are selling out, and you're buying television contracts. Airtime costs money.

But good talent costs more money.

That's What I'm Talkin' Bout!

Yes! Thank you Hottie McHotterson! This is exactly what I wanted!

The Rock's upcoming movie, after The Gameplan, will be Southland Tales. It's "from the Creator of Donnie Darko" and he looks like he plays some sort of whacked out hot/bad ass. Not to mention that he's reteaming with his Walking Tall Co-Star Sean William Scott. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cheri Oteri, Jon Lovitz, Kevin Smith, and Justin Timberlake are also in the movie. Justin Timberlake was amazing in Alpha Dogs, so I don't even want to hear that he's crap actor.

At one point in the trailer the Rock is in a suit with a gun in hand! This is what I've been waiting for. Thank you Rock! Thank you for delivering. I am buying what you're selling in Southland Tales!

Stone Cold Steve Austin is my Hero!

Forget what I said about him before. Stone Cold is my hero.

In a recent interview to promote the Condemned. Austin said he would never have a match with Hogan because Hogan is "too slow and takes forever to fall down." He went on to say that a match with Hogan would "suck". And that Hogan liked to "stir the pot."

Not to mention grow it.

Austin is my hero. But by the same token, Hogan needs to face it. If Steve Austin thinks your slow... then you've got a problem, he's not exactly a cheetah himself ya know?

This is the Face of Erectile Dysfunction

WWE.com is reporting that Teddy Long suffered a "heart attack" during his "wedding" to Kristal from overdosing on Viagra. Vince McMahon just flat out no sells drug overdose rumors.

What Do These Two Have in Common?

Let's see, both of these men are former world champions. They're also both certifiably insane. Kurt Angle is training to fight in the IFL. I don't know what IFL stands for, but it's an independent form of UFC and MMA. He is planning on doing the hard hitting fighting in 2008. He says he needs a year to prepare. He is also in talks to fight Brock Lesnar who recently signed with UFC. So that will take some negotiating, but I for one would like to see Kurt Angle prove that not only was he once the greatest amature wrestler in the world (with a broken fricken' neck by the way), and not only is he one of the best professional wrestlers walking the planet, but he is also the guy who could kick Brock Lesnar's punk ass in a real fight. Because let's face it, any guy that would leave the mother of his child to marry an old hag named Rena Mero, deserves to have his ass kicked. Kurt Angle is just the man to do it. Even though Kurt Angle probably won't be satisfied until he kills himself in some ring somewhere. Then he'll be dead.

Which will be one more thing he'll have in common with Chris Benoit.

This Guy is a Terrible Actor.

The best part about Smackdown was the look on Shannon Moore's face when he got to leave to go with the Godfather on the Ho Train. Now, he was only on for a fraction of a second, and I'm sure he was laughing with someone else, but it really was a great look. I hate his hair, but I guess it's better than the two foot Mohawk. Anyway, Teddy Long is in desperate need of some acting lesson. Just fast forward it to about 2:18, and watch for 15 seconds. It's the worst thing I've seen on WWE Television... in the last week at least.

My Sentiments Exactly

NOT ANOTHER ONE!!! Steve Austin has said that he's through with wrestling and has plans to focus on his "acting" career. In an interview with UGO.com in promotion of "The Condemned" DVD Release, Austin said this thing that made me want to barf. We understand that your whole thing during the Attitude Era was competing with the Rock, but it's okay. There's no need! Austin said:

"This is what I'm pursuing full time. I'm through with wrestling. Wrestling was one of the best jobs, the most fun I've ever had in my life, and I had a good time doing it. Fifteen years on the road, it's time to do something else. I have a three-picture deal with WWE Films. I'm trying to find the number two movie right now that we can start shooting ASAP. I'm working on certain projects myself here in Los Angeles, trying to find a script to work with other people, so that's what I have my sights set on. That's what I want to do with the rest of my life. I had a ton of fun on The Condemned and I learned so much. I also realized that I have a ton more to learn and improve. I remember my first wrestling match... I was pretty much terrible, but I turned into being a very good professional wrestler. My goal is to turn into a very good actor, but the only way I'm going to get there is with a lot of repetition."

Edge at Wembley!

The WWE is returning to London on October 16th, and in the press release WWE pointed out that Edge is scheduled to appear. The most awesome part? The October 16th taping at Wembley Stadium is a RAW brand taping.

Edge is going to Raw! Edge is going to Raw! *snoopy dance!*

What a Douche

Vince McMahon obviously doesn't care that so many pro wrestlers have substance abuse problems. Which was evident in the typed letter that was sent to all former WWE Superstars and hand signed (not stamped!) by the WWE Chairman himself. Man, this guys is such a pretentious douche. It's so obvious that he doesn't care about anyone, and that he doesn't want to avoid another senseless tragedy.

Over the last ten years, an inordinate number of wrestlers have passed away. Some of those deaths may in part have been caused by drugs and alcohol.

In an effort to prevent such tragedies in the future, the WWE is willing to pay for drug and/or alcohol rehabilitation at a certified treatment chosen by WWE for any performer with a prior WWE booking contract who may need this service. The WWE will pay for this service in full.

There is no cost to you or your family. Help will be provided regardless of the circumstances of your departure from the WWF or the amount of time you performed for the WWE.

If you do not have a drug and/or alcohol problem, but know you know a former WWE performer who does, we are asking you to try to help them by encouraging them to take advantage of this opportunity.

Liz Difabio has been appointed as a representative in this matter. Liz has been with the company for over 24 years and has been directly involved with the majority of WWE performers who have received treatment for substance abuse. She understands emotions that individuals and family members go through in this process. Any conversation you have with Liz will remain confidential and will not be released to the public.

In many instances, an individual in need of help is in denial and will not want rehabilitation. There are professional intervention companies that will help persuade that person that they need treatment. Liz will be able to facilitate such interventions, should they be necessary. An intervention and treatment will be at the cost of WWE exclusively.

This service is being provided for performers with a prior WWE booking contract only. No family or friends. Please reach out to Liz if you think you might have a drug or alcohol problem or if you know someone who does. We all need to do anything we can to help prevent another tragedy.

Sincerely,

Vincent K. McMahon
Chairman, World Wrestling Entertainment

This Big Softie Loves Animals

This looney tune was on Joe McDonnell's LA based radio show, and publicly proclaimed that he "wanted to kill" Michael Vick. He also "plead the fifth" when asked if he had ever used steroids.

Obviously, that means he hasn't.

Pro Wrestling Incompetence

According to "Pro Wrestling Insider" this incompetent bastard is the #1 wrestler in all the world.

That's a pretty sad state that wrestling is in...

The Crock will be entertaining your children for years to come.

According to some blog-like website that's freakishly dedicated to bringing you the news of all things Disney (Jim Hill Media), Disney execs were so impressed with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's good nature and willingness to work with the company while he rehabbed an ankle injury which delayed filming of his new movie, that they immediately signed him up for their "Escape to Witch Mountain" remake. Not to mention his oh-so-starrring role on Hannah Montanna wherein he received a makeover....

Gone are the days of "the jabroni beating, lalalalalalow - pie eating, trail blazing, eye brow raising, the best in the present, future and past, and if ya'll don't like me you can kiss the people's ass!"

Gone are the days of The Rock Concert - "Leavin Sacramento... Sacramento there I go... they got some fat ass women and The Rock is gonna just say no..."

I shudder to say it, but gone are the days of The Rock's credibility as an actor. Do the safe family film once in a while, put some money in the bank, and for God's sake, son, move on! Rocky has the charisma and the badassery to be playing believable ass-kicker roles, and 3 of his next 4 movies are kid flicks.

Where, oh where, have Rock's testicles gone?

Cor Von POUNCED

ECW.com is reporting that WWE has come to terms with the relase of Marcus Cor Von, and wish him the best of look in his future endeavors.

One common question might be "Is this steroid linked?" Well...maybe. However, the most important question in this matter is whether Cor Von's "future endeavors" will include a return to TNA, using a name that doesn't make him sound like a male stripper and yelling POUNCE! again.

Go to College!

Someone show me the proof that Vince McMahon comes along, puts the cocaine on the table, and subjects you to chinese water torcher until you snort it. Someone show me where Vince handcuffs a performer, knocks him to his knees, and has Patterson and Brisco hold his mouth open so he can put the Soma in.

Buff Bagwell was on some sports show with Bryant Gumble last night. It was called "The Life" and examined pro wrestling. Bagwell says he still takes all kinds of pain killers for the pain he suffers from breaking his neck a decade ago. He went on to say that he was in so much pain, but still wrestles on the independent circuit, because he's been in the business since he was a teenager, and he doesn't know how to do anything else. Then he said that wrestling encourages and glorifies a lifestyle that is both unhealthy and dangerous.

Really?! That's true?! Yet you still wrestle?! All in the name of not knowing how to do anything else?

Stop your whining and go to college if you want to learn to do something else. NOBODY makes anyone take those steroids. No one makes you take drugs. No one made you become a wrestler. This washed up whiners with no contracts need to stop crying for attention, and live with the consequences of their actions.

*Spoilers* Smackdown Notes

Continuing to make a mockery out of the professional wrestling business Charles Wright, better known as "The Godfather" made an appearance last night on Smackdown. Tune in on your local CW station Friday night to watch it.

Vince McMahon was a guest at Kristal and Teddy's wedding. The crowd spent much of the time chanting "We Want Wrestling".

Even Though It Means Squat...

Our more often than not wrestling rumor websites are reporting that WWE is hoping Ric Flair will accept a spot in the 2008 WWE Hall of Fame in April. Also being considered are Ric Rude, The Million Dollar Man, and Mae Young, among others.

Sorry, I Couldn't Hear You With My Fist In Your Face

Staight-Edgers, unite! CM Punk is now... a comic book hero! In the Fall Preview, CM Punk is not only the wonderfully handsome cover star, but he is also a hero of epic proportions within its pages! There are a bunch of images on CMPunk.com, but I'll post one here for your viewing pleasure.



And people say he isn't getting a good enough push! Pah! Not even the greatness that is John Cena, and the unstoppable force that is Triple H are comic book heroes! I can just imagine it now... "He...is dealing STEROIDS? In my locker room?! I will not stand for this, the power of the Pepsi will overthrow this villain!"

Always Trust The News Sites...Always!

So, some douche on some blog has posted the following story:

A rumor is swirling that World Wrestling Entertainment star Randy Orton attempted suicide within the last year. Very well-placed wrestling sources tell me that the rumor is true. In the wake of the June murder-suicide of Chris Benoit and the scandal involving scads of WWE performers who ordered steroids and human growth hormone from the Internet gray-market dealer Signature Pharmacy, this is serious stuff.It’s already clear that WWE’s response to the Signature revelations — generated by the district attorney in Albany, New York, and reported by Sports Illustrated and others — is a joke. Some vague number of the miscreant wrestlers, not named, were “suspended,” but the suspension appears to have consisted of simply being downgraded for a few weeks in TV storylines.From the same evidence, Randy Orton was not touched at all. That is more than a little strange. Orton’s Signature Pharmacy order marked, at the very least, his second “strike” under WWE’s so-called wellness policy, which would have called for a 60-day (rather than a 30-day) suspension.The suicide whispers mark the problem as more than a game of “gotcha” or even taste (Orton acquired the gimmick “Legend Killer” after WWE blithely turned Eddie Guerrero’s 2005 death into just another “angle”). It’s a matter of life and death.Orton, 27, is a third-generation wrestler. He is engaged to marry Samantha Speno, a part-time gymnastics teacher, this fall. Last year Randy and Samantha moved into a country-club estate in High Ridge, Missouri (suburban St. Louis), complete with a gym, a hot tub, and four decks.

Over to you, WWE.

Irvin Muchnick

***

So apparantly the Legend Killer Randy Orton attempted to kill a legend that NOBODY has ever killed before...himself. Yes, I am going to trust the word of a man who doesn't even know that Orton began using his "Legend Killer" gimmick two years before the death of Eddie Guerrero? Oh hell yes I am. Not. Some people are just...pathetic. It pretty much looks like this guy is writing a blog aimed at non-wrestling fans, who will believe absolutely anything, and attempting to smear WWE. Yeah, the same WWE that offered to pay for Sherri Martel's funeral AND former WWE Wrestlers' rehabs. Are the storylines always morally acceptable? Probably not. Orton destroying Eddie's car and telling Rey that Eddie was in hell is most definitely in bad taste, but if you're going to try and bash Vince and his company, at least hire a fact checker first! I'm sure you can find a variety of things to write about...things you won't have to make up or be misinformed on.

So about Orton's supposed suicide... is it true? Nobody knows. But he always seemed like a pretty happy guy, with a good career, so I'm not so sure. Chris Benoit proved we can never really make judgements based on what we see of these guys on TV. Nevertheless, whoever wrote this is retarded. If it's false, it's a stupid idiotic rumour to start, and could hurt Orton, his friends, his family, and the WWE. If it's true, nobody has any right to make it public knowledge besides Orton himself, and having it blasted all over the world could hurt Orton, his friends, his family, and the WWE.

Some people are just idiots. The End.

TN - Double D!

Even though she is a phenomenal wrestler, Shelly Martinez, known to ECW fans as Ariel was released from WWE just a few months ago.

Good news for Martinez fans, the buxom hottie is headed to TNA, and is on the card for the Bound for Glory PPV. Check her out on MySpace and leave her a comment congratulating her!

Vince McMahon really is a decent guy.

It's been widely reported online that Sherri Martel, known around the world as Scary Sherri was in poverty at the time of her death, and living in her mother's mobile home. The wrestlingobserver.com (and other sources) is reporting that Vince McMahon paid the expenses for her funeral. Booker T - who was managed by Martel in WCW - reportedly covered the cost of her headstone.

Free at last, Free at last!

Paul E. and the WWE have quietly parted ways. I didn't know he was still under contract after having been relieved of his duties within WWECW. So, this is good news.

Dixie Carter... call this man NOW. Offer him a spot as head booker. Don't let him anywhere near your money, but let him book the shows. For the love of God, hire this man!

If Only...

If only The Rock picked movie roles as well as he picked football games. The Rock made his picks on ESPN this past week and he went 9 for 9 on the weekend games. We're still awaiting the Monday Night Football game winner, but even if he goes 9 for 10 that's pretty impressive.

For a guy so into strategy you'd think he'd be able to get a better movie role.

Hellllo Hotness

The hotness that is Shane McMahon is being renewed with Jakks Pacific. Shane will have another action figure released in 2008 because Jakks is putting him in Classic Superstars Series 17.

That thing better have some moveable joints and judo chop action so I can make it do the Shane O'Mac dance!

Ric Flair Doesn't Have a Web Designer.

Ric Flair Finance boasts a "Figure 4 Process" Their slogan is "Forget the Rest, just work with the best... WOOOO!" And if that doesn't make you want to do business then visit this wonderful website

I could have made something better in Geocities SiteBuilder.

John Cena Doesn't Even Know How To Give The Finger

Silly dolt. You have to put all your OTHER fingers down first!


Anyway.

So, Cena retained his title yet again last night at whatever lame boring ass PPV the WWE suckered a bunch of people into paying money for. Only this time, bah gawd, he lost! A more-or-less intentional DQ, when he got Orton into the corner and wouldn't let up, shoved the ref out of the way a few times, and got DQ'd. Then Cena Sr. got pulled out of the crowd by Orton again, which led to Cena Jr. getting ahold of Orton and putting him into the I-Don't-Know-How-To-Do-The-STF-But-I-Grunt-And-Look-Constipated-So-It-Looks-Painful-Anyway, so Daddy can run down and kick Orton in the head like Orton did to him. Yay, poetic justice!

The only good thing about this ending was that for once, it leaves a feud open. It's not like when he blatantly buried Khali so badly they had to send him back to Smackdown again, or did the same to Edge, or any of his 10,000 clean victories over anybody and everybody. Maybe there's still hope for Orton yet. Or maybe somebody in UnCreative is wisening up and realizing that turning Cena, not necessarily to a heel but at least to a selfish heelish tweener, can lead to some new and interesting burials... er, one-month feuds that lead nowhere.

In conclusion, YAY JAWN CENER!

RIP Armageddon

So, apparently, WWE's signature Pay-Per-View for December, Armageddon, has been discontinued. Meaning we won't get such class promo posters as the one you see above from 2005. After having already euthanized December to DisRemember, and pulling the plug on New Year's Revolution (which hasn't been relevant for 2 years since it was pretty much named for Evolution to dominate anyway), there's now a blank spot between Survivor Series and Royal Rumble.

As it should be!

13 PPVs (or more) a year are just overkill. One Night Stand was good for what it was -- a one night ECW revival. Now that the ECW name and logo have been grabbed by the haunches and humped into submission, neutered, and watered down to "just another brand" of WWE, can ONS please die? In fact, how about killing off No Way Out (the NWO show - remember when they were in WWE for all of 2 months?) as well, so we can have a good solid two-month buildup between Rumble and Mania?

Or how about you stop naming pay-per-views, or even TV shows (Smackdown??) after your current wrestlers sports entertainers, so that the names hold no relevance in the future? Long term booking, WWE. Look into it.

Slow News Day

Yes folks, it's such a slow news day that I'm actually reporting that Mick Foley, the hardcore legend, the innovator of Mr. Socko, will appropriately be making an appearance at a place called "Spookyworld"... right here... in Boston, Massachusetts!

Can somebody get fired, or busted with steroids, or kill someone so we'll have something interesting to write about?

This Hot Mess is Going to Rehab

WWE has announced that if any former talent would like to get treatment at a rehab facility the company will foot the bill.

Too bad VH1 already picked up Chyna's rehab bill. If WWE had done it we wouldn't be forced to watch it on TV. VH1's celebrity Rehab features Chyna, Andy Dick, and others, and is expected to debut at the beginning of 2008. Too bad WWE didn't offer this sooner, so Chyna could stop being recognized for absolutely nothing.

(FYI - the above picture was snapped moments after Chyna learned of her friend Anna Nicole Smith's death, so she has a reason to look like a mess, at least this time.)

Feel The Sting!

Friday night on the Best Damn Sports Show Period, the hosts, whom on a scale of 1-10 rate about a negative 4 on my give-a-crap meter, said that Sting's current angle wasn't news, and that Sting was washed up.

Yeah, sure, let me look at all you fat former professional sports players, many of whom are younger than Sting, and agree. Sting is so washed up. Look at him up there. I mean obviously, he'd be timid as a bunny rabbit if you pissed him off...

The Crock is Serious!

More "serious" acting from Dwayne Johnson as he whores out Elvis in the new Elvis Special commercials.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Gerweck.com is reporting that Sean Morley, better known as Val Venis, is being considered for the position of Head of Talent Relations!!!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

When TNA got its SpikeTV deal a couple years back President Dixie Carter said she had ruled out the possibility of being an on screen character. Yeah, well she's a liar.

Dixie Carter makes her TNA Television Debut tonight on SpikeTV.

Bad. Bad.
This is Bad.

What is she thinking?!

The Sandman is a Tool

The Sandman released this statement on his MySpace regarding his WWE Release:

"Hey people, this is The Sandman. I think now that all of you have heard about World Wrestling Entertainment releasing me from my contract. Please, I have recieved emails and comments with hurtful things to the WWE such as not watching their programs and doing stuff to them where they lose a fan base...PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING HARMFUL TO THE WWE. I am VERY upset about my release but I am even more upset if you guys take it out on them. I have a great attitude towards WWE, Vince McMahon, Stephanie, HHH, and Johnny Ace...I will make damn sure I am back in the WWE one day. WWE treated me well, I had a great time on WWE Raw and on ECW on SciFi...I loved every moment of it and the wrestling business is and has always been one big family combined with entertainment purposes. I appreciate all of your messages and all and I can not thank you guys enough! I will be back in WWE one day again...count on it."

He should be completely pissed.

TOOL

Maybe Christian will get an Oscar?

Unlike "The Crock", Christian isn't going to turn his back on wrestling to make movies. He's going to do both! The only man I consider worthy of the TNA World Championship is in his first feature role in the new movie Shoot 'Em Up. He plays a governor's guard, and he has LESS than one second of screen time!

Have no fear Christian Cage followers, IMDB reports that he is currently working on two other movies. He's working on one called "Dark Rising" which is set to only be released in Canada, and it has something to do with knocking of demon lesbians with battle axes. He even has a starring role! Hooray...

He is currently filming a movie called Medium Raw, which is set for release in America. He plays a character named Officer Pete. It's about chasing warewolves through an asylum. Look for it in 2008.

Jason Reso, just another wrestler, trying to make those Razzie dreams come true!!

Serious Acting Part III

Even though his new movie... ummm... aww crap... the one about football. Okay, let me start over...

Even though his new football movie is yet to be released Dwayne "The Serious Actor" Johnson is already working on a remake of the television classic "Get Smart". It seems Dumbass Dwayne is really vying for an Oscar nod on this one, as his costar is none other than...

Wait for it....

Wait for it...















Wait some more.....







Wait for it...

HIS COSTAR IS THE BEST ACTOR OF ALL TIME...

CRITICLY ACCLAIMED...







THE GREAT KHALI!!!

Maybe the Rock better start realizing that the producers of his movies really, really hate him.


EDIT: I just read on IMDB.com that The Rock isn't the "star" of this movie. His character is "Agent 23" he's hardly in the movie, and the movie isn't in production, it's already filmed. He's also in talks to star in a superhero movie called Shazam! in 2008. Serious acting abounds. He's currently working on another family friendly film called Witch Mountain.

I want to see the Rock as a hardcore drug pusher. Enough of this ass kicking crap.

Cena's performances are about as lifelike as this picture!

It was me who suggested we call this blog Cenanuff. I don't take credit for it as some guy put it on a sign at some pay-per-view long ago, but you know something. Long live that guy. Congratulations for being clever. I haven't only "cenanuff" of Cena, but I've "cenanuff" of wrestling period.

In celebration of my 22nd birthday. I give you, the top 10 reasons why John Cena sucks!! I'll warn you ahead of time, they they're probably not as funny as you would prefer.

#10. He can only win in two ways. If you don't know what these two ways are you haven't been watching wrestling for the last 4 years.

#09. He thinks he's funny, but he isn't. Atleast not as witty as I am, because let's face it... I'm a comedic genius.

#08. None of his fans are over 4 feet tall.

#07. He hardly ever gets hit with a weapon, because he's a major wuss.

#06. He picked right up where Bill Goldberg left off and began carrying the torch for the 5 moves of doom.

#05. He pretty much uses the same insults against everyone in a monthly rotation in hopes you'll forget that he used that "ho" line on Lita three months ago, but he's using it again on Candice right now.

#4. "They've" (whoever the hell "they" are) have named a sexual act after him. The EVIDENCE is HERE!!

#3. He's had the World Title for about 5 years. That may be a slight exaggeration, but seriously it feels like five years.

#2. When he said "Those that hate me, well they can just kiss my ass" 90% of those in the arena had to pucker up.

#1. His catchphrase is you can't see me, which clearly indicates that he is both retarded and prejudice against blind people. I can see you Cena, this blind man to my right... he cannot, and that's just rude.

So I Got to Thinking...

So now that I've had time to process the fact that the ending to the September 10 edition of Raw was just about the last thing I wanted to see, I have been able to find an OFFICIAL transcript of the meeting Vince and Stephanie had with the creative team. Triple H (Paul) was in on the meeting, trying to raise morale.

Stephanie: As you know Ken had to be released due to the "s" word scandal.

Vince: Don't say it! Please don't say it! He was suspended for impersonating a McMahon, and that's the truth!

Stephanie: We need to find a new person to be the bastard child in order to create a diversion until Ken comes back.

Paul: And you'll be blaming me for the DNA mix up...

Stephanie: Of course. Now let's remember this bastard child has to be a believeable McMahon. We have to be able to buy it...

There is uncontrolled laughter by Mr. Levesque.

Stephanie: Umm... honey, what's so funny?

Paul: Oh, you keep saying bastard and I keep having visions of that little Dylan Postl kid running around like a leprachaun.

Stephanie: Who?

Paul: Hornswoggle, you know "Lil Bastard". It seemed funny... anyway... about the bastard kid...

Vince: I LOVE IT!

Paul: I was only joking really...

Vince: We have to have Hornswoggle be the bastard kid. Yes, Hornswoggle is the kid. It's a good idea. Yeah, it's a good idea. Thanks Son, you're the best.

Mr. McMahon turned walking out of the room with an audible chant.

Vince: It's all about the Mon-Ay! It's all about the Mon-Ay.

Mrs. Levesque looked at Mr. Levesque.

Stephanie: Why do you talk?

Paul: God, I don't know...

Is the fact that his name was "Little Bastard" a coincidence. Probably. But it still doesn't change the fact that Paul Levesque married into a family of idiots.

Goldberg Needs to Get Over Himself - ASAP!

The man who originated the "5 moves of doom" Bill Goldberg had this to say on some radio show yesterday.

"TNA totally blows, man. I don't think they have a clue as to what people want to see, I think. They've got a very clouded vision. Right after the Benoit death, WWE and TNA had an opportunity to 'make it right.' They had an opportunity, they had everyone's attention and what does TNA do? They go out and sign 'Pacman' Jones. That in itself, in a nutshell, describes TNA's mentality. That as a viable option for Goldberg? Absolutely not. Those guys don't deserve to have me on their program."

...in other news, Bill Goldberg is an egotistical douche bag.

Wrestling Fans Can Read?

So, three books are due to be released in October. We have Batista: "Unleashed", we have Bret Hart: "Hitman" and we have Chris Jericho: "A Lions Tale". For some wrestling fans, a busy month for reading. Personally the only one of these books I'm interested in is Jericho's...why would I want to listen to Bret Hart put himself over and whine about how Shawn, Hunter and Vince screwed him? And uh...I didn't know Batista could even speak English, let alone write it down. I'd be surprised if he spelt his own name correctly. Although...he probably just talked into a tape recorder and had someone else do the actual writing for him. Oh, the hard life that man must lead.

Now, although I'm sure Chris Jericho's book is the most interesting of these three...why does it have the most shit-tastic cover in wrestling autobiography history? It looks like he made it himself on Microsoft Paint, and this is professional designing, for a book about a millionnaire with a somewhat celebrity status? I've seen better designs advertising a coffee morning on the notice board in the local Supermarket. Le Sigh.

One Day This Will All Be Yours...

According to: http://www.prowrestling.com/article/news/6211


"Shawn Michaels and Triple H were down in Ohio Valley Wrestling last week for a pep talk meeting and training session with talent. The belief within WWE is that once Vince McMahon is no longer in charge, Stephanie will run the corporate end, Shane will be in charge of global media and licensing and Triple H and HBK will be in charge of the developmental aspects of the company."


Now, while I'm not very fond of the idea of Stephanie McMahon being in charge of anything, there are some positives here, dear readers.


Shane running the media and shizzle? Well...at least he's against the idea of kayfabing the WWE website, which is pretty cool since all the wrestling "news" sites do a pretty good job of ruining the illusion anyway. Really, there aren't too many real "marks" left, Vince...it's time to ease up a little on the "they cannot know any of the secretssszzzz!!!11one!!"


Triple H and Shawn Michaels running development...That seems rather promising. Maybe they can teach me a thing or two about...well...you know. *Cough* Now, out of all the young kiddies WWE has called up recently, only one of them seems capable of being "the future" of the company... and he just got suspended for pumping his veins full of steroids and lying about it. Way to go Kennedy! ....Kennedy! Santino Morella? Funny as hell, I love the guy...but he's nothing more than a comedy character, and I can't see that changing any time soon. Cody Rhodes? Hot, hot hot, I'd have his babies...but he's as bland as a dry piece of bread right now. MVP? I'm undecided on this one, he's got charisma to the max, but I get bored of him after about five minutes of his segments. Now...the point here is, who would you rather have running your development territory? Bill Demmott and Mike (Simon Dean) Bucci...or two of the best the business has ever seen? I rest my case. Oh, and by the way...Random Hotness Rocks.



Yummy <3

Vince to his writers: "Shuddupayoface!"

Vince McMahon was said to have been irate at his writing staff over the fact that plans for his "illegitimate child" storyline were leaked over the internet. Because, yeah, nobody was caught off-guard by this Hornswaggle debacle, right? And not like "Things are looking up" didn't completely give away that it had to be him or Khali.

Anyway, Vince and Steph both gave the creative team a big lecture about letting things out to the internet reporters -- which is a fantastic career move in and of itself, dontcha think? Vince was so paranoid about people finding out about the Little Bastard of a storyline that he flew in every prospective wrestler from both brands for Raw so that nobody could be ruled out by process of elimination. Because a 5-week storyline with a too-weak payoff was really THAT important, right?

Hmm. I wonder how Vince feels about the story of him being angry over stories being leaked to the internet, being leaked to the internet itself? Ahh, the conundrums of life!

Shelley Loves PWG, and Damn the Consequences!

So, Alex Shelley worked a recent PWG show. Big deal, right? Well, apparently to TNA it is. See, TNA doesn't want their "contracted" wrestlers working with other promotions... not because of safety, or concern for the wrestlers' well-being, but because they don't want their TNA guys appearing on licensed DVDs for other promotions.

How noble.

So, Alex Shelley worked a recent PWG show. Big deal, right? Well, apparently to TNA, not so much in this case. He was allowed to work this particular show, just not to be included on any commercial DVD (meaning ones you might find at Best Buy and such, and we all know how many PWG DVDs they carry). The part that makes this "sit back with a bucket of popcorn and watch the show"-worthy is that the two sides never really came to any sort of agreement on that whole DVD fiasco. Not to mention that he got on the mic at the show and proclaimed his love for PWG, calling it his favorite place to work.

Right now, I'm imagining TNA as a large black woman talking to her homegirl: "Mmmhmm, and do you know what he said? He said PWG was his favorite place to work. Girl, you know I ain't lyin! That boy's gon' have some 'splainin to do when he get home."

And then the camera pans out to show that Ms. TNA is simply talking to herself in a mirror, since she alienated all her girlfriends by not letting her "boys" maintain any sort of friendship with them. Oh, TNA, will you ever learn?

By the way, the whole point of bothering to post about this was to give Ashlee another random hot picture of Alex Shelley. So here you go!

Random Hotness

There are slight murmurings that Alex Shelley is not going to renew his TNA contract. It is said to be expiring soon. TNAwrestlingnews.com is saying these rumors are false, but pwtorch.com and rajah.com are reporting differently. Either way, there's a random hot picture of Alex Shelley! Yum!

Dateline: To Catch a Steroid User

Even though he's been suspended for 30 days for Steroid use, Chavo Guerrero was backstage at the WWE and Dateleine NBC came to interview him regarding the text messages he recieved before Benoit's death. Dateline is planning an expose on the realities of professional wrestling. I hope Chris Hansen is as good of a medical abuse detective as he is a cock-blocker.

Serious Acting Part II

In another really stupid career move, Dwayne Johnson, or as I like to call him, the most unfortunately stupid man in Sports Entertainment, reported to MSN.com that he is completely done with wrestling, and the only reason people expect some kind of comback is because he left so quietly.

He said that he did not wish to return to the WWE because he's wrestled everyone that he wanted to and he feels like he can't grow in wrestling anymore.

Yes, I completely understand what he means now. There's no way he can improve as a performer in WWE. I totally get it, good thing he has that degree from Juilliard or else he may have never been considered for that role on Hannah Montanna.

The Guy that Didn't Want to Work for the WWE anyway got released...

WWE released Sandman today and wished him the best of luck in all of his future endeavors and all that crap. Less than 18 months ago this guy was a plumber, and you pulled him back into wrestling after he declined politely only to move him to the "A rate" show, and then fire him a few months later. Wasn't he a part of the main event skit last night?

Whatever, "Exit Sandman".

TNA just signed another Samoan.

TNA just signed former WWE Champion Rikishi. Really, Rikishi was a WWE Champion? I don't think that's historically accurate but I can't be arsed to look it up. The word on the street is that Rikishi is going to have a fued with Samoa Joe, because they have to be all stereotypical and make the Samoans fight each other.

Oh, also, Rikishi is now going by the name "Junior Fatu". It's obvious where this title came from. I can only imagine the years of ridicule that this paragon of physical fitness must have indured being called Junior.