Friday, May 28, 2010

R-Truth Keeps His Pimp Hand STRONG.





During last week's Over The Limit pay-per-view, Ted DiBiase suffered a concussion.

When R-Truth slapped him across the face.

According to people who claim to know what they're talking about, DiBiase was slated to blame Virgil for his loss that night, but because of Ron's Pimp Hand Of Steel and Ted's concussed brain, they "called an audible." We can expect to see Ted kept out of the ring for a few weeks for his head to recover.



COLD-BLOODED.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cuttin' Their Losses


Yep, I posted it.

It appears as if Dixie Carter will be practicing her Vince McMahon voice within the coming weeks. TNA is rumored to be preparing to release upwards of 15 - 20 superstars as part of a large cost cutting initiative. This news comes off the heels of TNA's decision to move back to Thursday nights.

In a radio interview on Monday, Jeremy Borash spoke about the rumored initiative. He had this to say when asked about the roster cuts.

"I don't know if you look at it as roster cuts. You don't say anything or we don't hear anything about when we spend more money to hire people. When you say 'roster cuts,' it obviously invokes an 'oooh' kind of feeling to it," Borash said. "At the same time, we have 60-something people under contract, so I think it's a natural evolution of business. Sometimes you do have to trim the fat. The programs are being written differently where less people are being featured more prominently."

I've heard better spin doctoring from Miss Cleo.

Hulk Hogan has a documented distaste for lighter competitors, so it would be assumed that a large portion of the X-Division is in danger of losing their jobs. One can only hope that those who have tenure in the company can weather this latest storm.

Monday, May 24, 2010

STUPID, STUPID... STUPID!



RKOwned.


During last night's "Rated RKO Explodes" edition of WWE Over The Limit, Randy Orton dislocated his right shoulder... by punching the mat.

Okay, so it's likely that it was hurt earlier in the match and pounding the mat just exacerbated the problem (and it's also likely that I just went out of my way to use the word "exacerbated"), but still. That's almost on the level of Vince tearing his quad walking to the ring at the Rumble 05.

Okay, but for real? Randy Orton is amazing. When he was in Evolution, I thought of him as nothing more than a big cocky frat boy and I wanted him to disappear. When he finally shaved his head, got some tattoo sleeves, and started getting all crazy, it was a 180ยบ turnaround and I've been on board ever since. I'm glad that it was "only" a separated shoulder, as that seems to be a relatively minor injury -- but let's hope that's all it is, and Randy can get back to kicking people in the skull and being awesome before we realize he was gone.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Michael Benoit Trashes Linda's Senate Campaign





The Hartford Courant has today published this article written by Michael Benoit, father of the late Chris Benoit, arguing against Linda McMahon's bid for one of Connecticut's U.S. Senate seats. In the article, Benoit claims, quite simply, that nobody should support McMahon's campaign because of what happened to his son, and the way she's using what amounts to blood money to support her campaign. Today, I'd like to do a point-counterpoint on Mr. Benoit's concerns.

Watching from afar, I've observed with interest the U.S. Senate campaign in Connecticut because of my experiences with Linda McMahon and her business, World Wrestling Entertainment. While she spends millions of dollars earned through her professional wrestling empire to flood Connecticut's airwaves and mailboxes promoting her Republican candidacy, state voters should know there is another side to McMahon and the WWE.

My son, Chris Benoit, 40, was one of WWE's top superstars. In June 2007, our lives changed dramatically, when he tragically killed his wife, son and himself. The press jumped on steroids as the cause of his actions. But tests showed that brain damage in the form of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, not steroids, was responsible for our loss. CTE, caused by repetitive trauma to the brain, can bring on serious disorders such as a loss of emotional control, addictions to drugs and alcohol, depression, aggressive and violent behavior.

Firstly, let's not get it twisted. Christopher Michael Benoit, the man, the human being, did not kill himself and his family. Chris Benoit, the mentally-ill-from-amityville brain damaged humanoid monster was the killer. This is not to excuse what happened, it's just my own firm belief that were it not for his state of mind / brain damage / mental illness, Chris Benoit, in his right mind, would have never done what he did. I also believe that had he still had Eddie Guerrero in his life, he would have remained more balanced.

Most people view wrestling as fake and the McMahon family pushed that theory to avoid regulation. But in its lust for higher ratings and dollars, WWE began demanding that performers use more weapons and dangerous stunts in wrestling matches. Although matches are rigged and scripted, the harsh physical abuse in the form of blunt force steel chair shots to the head and power bombs through tables onto cement floors are real. I believe that this change in the industry is responsible for the majority of deaths it experienced in the last 20 years.

Another WWE wrestler, Andrew Martin, was 33 when he died. What did Andrew Martin have in common with my son? He was one of many of McMahon's former wrestlers who died prematurely, and he was the second wrestler to have his brain examined for signs of CTE after death. Martin had the same shocking brain damage as my son. The human skull is not designed to withstand and protect the brain from the abuse the McMahon's insisted their wrestlers endure. Yet, since the late '80s, these are the matches into which the McMahon's have pushed their talent.

Again, let's not get it twisted -- nobody held a gun to these men's heads. They were there of their own volition, in their OWN quest for money and fame and notoriety, taking risks and doing things that any half-educated idiot could tell were dangerous. And hurt. ALSO, let's not forget that Chris probably did his swandive headbutt finisher thousands of times in WCW and ECW, in the latter of which he participated in far more gruesome and harrowing matches than WWF/E ever allowed even at their peak of "Attitude."

USA Today in 2004 published research stating that wrestlers are 20 times more likely to die before the age of 45 than are pro football players. What has the McMahon family done to make pro wrestling safer? They will spend up to $50 million to get Linda elected to a position where she could head off any effort to regulate their business.

The WWE and Linda McMahon evade any responsibility for the early deaths that their industry suffers at an astronomical rate. After the Martin tests were completed, I sought to educate the McMahons about the scientific findings on brain trauma and how their wrestling stunts could cause this serious and fatal health issue. They were having none of it. It was clear, the McMahons were more interested in making hundreds of millions of dollars at the expense of these wrestlers, whom they regard as little more than circus animals to be ridden until their value expires.

Which is exactly why they do things like offer to foot the entire bill for any current or former employee who needs rehab for chemical/substance abuse, eh? Or why they've gone back to the PG rating, banned chairshots to the head, even banned bleeding which is a longtime staple of professional wrestling?

On CNN in 2007, Vince McMahon, Linda's husband, said they had stopped wrestlers from smashing each other's heads with chairs. That practice, however, was not ended until January of this year — scores of "head shots" later. There are still all sorts of weapons and stunts that the McMahons use to equally dangerous effect. For a sport that is "fake," there is an all too disturbing reality.

A reality that every grown-ass man on that roster knows about before they walk in and accept the paycheck. I'm not saying it's not dangerous. I'm just saying these men (and women) know what they're getting into, and choose to live the lifestyle.

You might say that these young wrestlers make their own choices, and that is true. And the McMahons entice them with prospects for fame, wealth and glory that few achieve. If this were any other business or sport, there would be congressional hearings and laws passed to reform this dirty and dangerous enterprise. The McMahons have steadfastly held that wrestlers are just independent contractors and not entitled to health care benefits, pensions or unionization to represent their best interests.

I will grant you that one. I don't really believe in the "independent contractor" thing, especially since these guys sign contracts to perform exclusively with WWE. But at the same time, can you imagine the cost of health care for these guys? The premiums alone would be incredible. And I don't see anybody in that billion dollar industry tearing a quad and NOT going to the best sports surgeon in the world, Dr. James Andrews. Vince knows how to take care of his talent.

This is how Linda McMahon made the money she uses for her Senate race. This is how she ran her business. This is the true character behind the fancy, Hollywood advertisements. I pray the people of Connecticut do not allow her to buy her way into the world's most distinguished legislative body.

I'm not even going to touch how the "world's most distinguished legislative body" has been mired by scores of sex scandals, fraud, and general ridiculousness. Am I completely wrong, or aren't there limits on the amount of personal money one can use in a campaign? I don't believe Linda's "buying" her way into anything - no matter how much money she has, she still has to get people to vote for her. Donald Trump has billions, but he's batshit crazy and so is anyone who would vote him into anything.


Look, Mr. Benoit, I understand that you're frustrated about what happened to your son, and looking for answers. I know that it's easy to point to the McMahons as enablers to the lifestyle that your son participated in and that ultimately led to his murder-suicide tragedy. But Chris has to be responsible for Chris. Whether he was in his right mind or not, he's the one who chose to do what he did. And he's the one who chose his lifestyle, and continued to choose to do it until his brain became as damaged as it was. I, too, am sad at the incredible death rate of those who participate in the professional wrestling industry, but I don't blame the promoters or the owners of the companies for their deaths. Nobody's sitting them down shoving pills down their throats or telling them they can't walk away from the business. Look at Dwayne Johnson, who parlayed his monumental success as "The Rock" into a semi-lucrative movie career. Look at Matt Striker, who stuck with the business in an on-screen announcer role rather than withstand the physical toils of the ring. Look at John Cena who, hate his character as I may, works a safe style and takes care of himself and his opponents. I don't know much about Linda's campaign and/or what platform she's running on, but if you want to tear her down for that, fine. But don't label her as evil because your son couldn't handle the business.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Call off the Oscar race... NOW.



Not Pictured: Dramatic David Caruso Shades Removal Scene


OMG. OMG OMG OMG. Check out this trailer and how incredibly craptastic this movie looks! Sheriff Angle pursuing Zombie Nash and Zombie Sid? On what looks to be a Blair Witch budget? We may have just found the single worst wrestlers-in-a-movie ever.



(If embed doesn't work, go here.)

Is it wrong of me to be so geeked out about such a potentially horrendous movie?

Push it back, Shove it back, Waaaaay back!





According to well-placed sources at tnawrestlingnews.com, Jeff Hardy's court date has once again been delayed. A few days ago, he appeared in the Moore County courthouse with his lawyer and was once again able to delay his trial, this time to June 3. And I, for one, hope it gets delayed one more time -- I'm more than likely going to a TNA house show on June 5, and I want to see Jeff Hardy, dammit!

I mean, really. Intent to sell? The guy's made some huge bank with WWE, why in the world would he have any reason to sell drugs? It does not make sense! In fact, here's how I imagine the trial going down in my head:


Awesome Jeff Hardy Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Asshole State Prosecutor: Damn it!... He's using the Chewbacca defense!

Awesome Jeff Hardy Lawyer: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a world renowned Professional Wrestling superstar, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.


And then the Judge lets him off. Cause, I mean, really. IT DOES NOT. MAKE. SENSE.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lend me some Sugah! I am yo' neighbor!





Ashlee and I were JUST talking about this last night.

According to f4wonline, Gregory Helms' 90-day no-compete is up sometime this month. And, as many have suspected, he already has a verbal agreement through Jeff Hardy with TNA. Word has it he'll just go by his WCW moniker, Shane Helms, and there's apparently been talk of a stable with he, Jeff, Shannon Moore, and Jesse Neal.

You know, I don't even care that TNA's roster is already overloaded with people. Sugar Shane is my boy. I've been waiting for years to see him and Shannon team up again, and it might finally happen!

I... I think I just squealed.

Monday, May 10, 2010

So the PG rating is just overcompensation, eh?

This story is an interesting one. According to a man with very good taste by the pen name Michael Bluth on Rajah, a top WWE official has been suspended after allegations of sexual harassment during the Wrestlemania weekend in Phoenix. Executive Vice President (how many of THOSE are there?) Jared Bartie had allegedly been drinking during the Mania festivities, and "inappropriately" hit on a female employee in WWE's sales department.

Here's where the story gets awesome: the same woman who was allegedly the victim in the Mania weekend case was, herself, fired a few weeks later after having been seen performing a "sex act*" on another WWE employee while on company property during business hours.



Pictured: Also inappropriate conduct on company property.


I'm torn between feeling bad for this girl, and thinking she's probably just some little harlot who got propositioned by one of the higher-ups and got dollar signs in her eyes. I guess we'll never know... that is, unless Michael Bluth can send Mrs. Featherbottom in on an undercover operation.

*"Sex act?" WTF is that? This is the internet, can't we get some details? Was it a handski? Mouth sex? Footski? Cleveland Steamer? Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Credenza? Inquiring minds want to know!

As If We Haven't Already Cena Nuff





Just when you thought it was safe to go out on Twitter... WWE Golden Boy and Patron Saint of Goody Two-Shoes John Cena has joined the social networking site. And just what does this bastion of knowledge have to tell us in his all-important first post to his adoring public, his unfiltered, unbridled coming-out-party to the world?



"In pittsburg for raw". This grown-ass, half-educated, face of a global media conglomerate can't be bothered to spell Pittsburgh properly, capitalize proper nouns, or even use a period. If we want to be technical, "In pittsburg for raw" is only a sentence fragment. This is the face of the company? This is the image we want to push on our children and screaming fangirls?!

We're all doomed.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Fate Is a Cruel Biotch



The Next Big Thing?


Brett DiBiase, son of legendary hall of famer blah blah blah (seriously, do I need to explain who he is? How many DiBiases do you know in real life?), felt the wrath of a knee injury last week at an FCW taping in a match with fellow son of a legend Joe Hennig.

The twist? Both men were scheduled to be called up to the Raw roster to join Ted DiBiase Jr. as a heel trio. Because the "we're a heel group of sons of legends" story sure hasn't been played out over the last couple years or anything.

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for Brett.

Finally Some Good News From the TNA Camp





In an update to our February story on the Motor City Machineguns and Beer Money Inc getting their dual DVD set, details have finally emerged on the release. Beer Money narrowly edged out the Guns in an online poll a few weeks ago regarding which team fans would rather see on the cover, so TNA decided to give it a dual cover. =The two-disc set will feature 12 matches plus interviews on each team. The better news: it's set for a May 25 release.

I'm not usually a huge consumer on wrestling DVDs, but this is a must-have. And if they don't use it to tie into a huge feud between the two teams, I riot.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Latest on TNA Tucking Tail



If you haven't heard by now, TNA wised up and got knocked off their high horse, and will be returning to Thursday nights next week. Here's the scoop.

Spike TV will be airing TNA Reaction as the lead-in for iMPACT every Thursday night. Reaction will air at 8PM EST each week while iMPACT will return to it's 9PM EST time slot. The pilot for Reaction aired a few weeks ago on a Monday night before iMPACT and featured a "backstage look" at TNA.

The crew was told that TNA made the decision to move back to Thursdays, not Spike TV officials. While TNA officials handled most of the meeting, there was a Spike TV official there to confirm the information.

TNA as well as Eric Bischoff & Jason Hervey's production team conducted most of the recent market research and were told that fans overwhelmingly wanted Thursday to be established as TNA's night.

With the weekly addition of TNA Reaction at 8pm EST, Spike TV will be branding Thursday nights as "TNA Thursdays."

Word is that all future episodes of TNA iMPACT will be taped with the move back to Thursday nights. There are currently no plans to do live shows on Thursdays. TNA and Spike TV are going to be pushing Thursdays as TNA's night on TV. Live specials on Monday nights are a possibility but won't be happening for a while.

Christian Bumped from Fatal 4 Way Poster



That's the new poster for Fatal 4 Way. The old one had Christian on it... and I liked it. I think I like this one better.

Okay, that's all. Move along.

KABOOM!





These Mickie James Fans are SERIOUS!

The Connecticut Post reports that WWE fan Zavr Peygumbari, of Brooklyn, New York, was arrested last week after he called WWE headquarters over twenty times with threats to blow up the company's office and harm staff members. Zavr was upset that WWE released former Women's Champion Mickie James.

Zavr was arrested last Friday and arraigned yesterday at state Superior Court in Stamford, CT. Zavr's next court date will be on May 25th. He was originally held over the weekend in Stamford on a $250,000 bond but released on a $5,000 bond Monday. His lawyer describes him as a "fervent wrestling fan" who did not intend to follow through on his threats. Court records show that New York City police know Zavr as being emotionally disturbed.

During his arraignment on Monday, the angry WWE fan apologized for the phone calls and called them foolish & childish. Zavr allegedly threatened to blow up WWE's offices and said he would visit the building with a machete and a machine gun. The phone calls began on April 24th and continued through April 27th. Nineteen calls were made by Zavr on April 24th with a handful of calls made over the next few days. During one call, Zavr threatened to kill an un-named WWE employee and his family. The phone calls were traced back to a cell phone that Zavr had.

Zavr has been charged with four counts of fourth-degree threatening, one count of second-degree harassment and two counts of second-degree threatening.

The judge told Zavr on Monday that he could not contact WWE employees, go near it's offices in Stamford or attend any events. Zavr's actual response to this in front of the courtroom: "I'm not allowed to go to wrestling shows?"

THIS is AMAZING



An elderly female fan was escorted out of the WWE SmackDown live event in Knoxville, TN this weekend after slapping CM Punk. The woman walked up to Punk, told him he wasn't Jesus and smacked him hard, according to a fan in attendance. Punk smiled at her, told her he forgave her and dropped to one knee while security took her away.

He didn't even BREAK KAYFABE! How awesome is this old lady? More over, how awesome is CM PUNK!? Holy cow! I... this is amazing. Nothing else needs to be said.

Hardy Faces 14 Years in Prison



After several rounds of hearings and delays, Jeff Hardy's trial stemming from his drug arrest last year is set to begin next Monday (5/10) in Moore County, North Carolina. Hardy’s drug charges went to a grand jury back in January and they found that there was enough evidence to indict Hardy and send the case to Superior Court.

Hardy was arrested on September 11th, 2009 after police raided his home in Cameron, North Carolina. A joint investigation conducted by officers with the Moore County Sheriff’s Office narcotics and select enforcement units and the Fayetteville Police Department led to the search.

According to the police report, a search of his residence yielded 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 Soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine and items of drug paraphernalia.

He was charged with felony trafficking in opium, two counts of felony possession with intent to sell or deliver a Schedule III controlled substance, felony maintaining a dwelling to keep controlled substance, felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia.

If convicted of all charges, Hardy faces upto 14 years in prison. Which in retrospect isn't nearly as bad as jobbing to Hogan and Flair in TNA. *shrug*

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Bye Bye Bubba

I'm posting from my phone, because this was too good to wait till I got home. According to TNA's account on facebook, they have terminated the services of the subhuman slug known as Bubba The Love Sponge. And I think I speak for all of America when I say...

ABOUT GOD DAMN TIME!

This guy is a cancer on the entertainment industry, and I will look forward to not having to be scared of seeing his dumb face on Impact anymore.