Parade-amania

Yeah, it's gonna look like this.

According to articles published on wrestling-radio.com and prowrestling.net, TNA and the Bubba the Love Sponge are hosting a parade in Hulk Hogan's honor at Margaritaville in City Walk at Unversal Orlando. Said parade is being held just 24 hours before the Hulkster's triumphant January 4th return to TNA iMPACT! TNA Camera crews will be on deck to film the event, so we're likely to be graced with some footage of this momentous occasion at some point during the program.

In the words of the great Dennis Leary: "Please pull that bus to the side of the pretentiousness turnpike." We've all been watching the news reels, Dixie. Hulkamania lost its luster a long time ago, even before he spent as much time in a televised courtroom as O.J. Simpson. Please don't be upset when TNA draws a 1.5 rating like we all know it will.

A Message from Mr. Humility and Mr. Modesty

The man who was in court earlier this week, defending the honor of his stolen toilet seat, has predicted that his debut on TNA will draw a 3.0 rating, DOUBLE the typical ratings TNA will pull.

Seems he might be... I don't know, over estimating his own importance because word on the street is that Hulk was exhausted for his own Hulkamania tour. He was apparently hurting really bad and moved his matches to earlier in the night. After the third night, Hogan's hip went out and he and Ric Flair promo'ed on each other rather than wrestled.

I'm going to love to watch these two promoing on each other behind the safe barricade of their walkers in the coming years.

Dixie Carter Fail

According to "sources" there is a lot of frustration within TNA because nobody has been given anything but a basic outline about the show's direction over the next couple of weeks. The TV tapings for the next two weeks were done with no idea of direction for anyone's character.

Obviously one of 100 reasons why TNA completely sucks. It's like poor AJ Styles is just going to work one day, then he's told that he's going to wrestle in a tutu for now on. No explanation given to him or to the viewing audience. But thats okay because HULK HOGAN is coming!

Shane McMahon Might Be Pissed

According to LordsofPain.net
Shane McMahon has not been working for WWE since announcing his resignation, which takes effect January 1st. It's said that morale is the lowest with workers in the office since anyone can remember. One person close to Shane says that him leaving WWE had to do with being passed over for power and that he was tired of being humiliated publicly by Vince.

One Less Diva to Suck It Up!

Alicia Fox reportedly sufered a dislocated shoulder at a house show on November 28th. We won't have to see her in the mass of nameless faceless divas for a few weeks. Yey.

Oh Happy Day!

As always during this time of year there is much speculation that Shawn Michaels will be retiring after Wrestlemania 26. In a recent interview with MySanAntonio.com Shawn did admit that he's planning an extended hiatus.

"I take four months off in the summer and just spend time with the family," Michaels said. "It's a tough line of work. Those injuries hang around longer and those injuries are tougher to deal with. When I stop, my body will have an opportunity to heal and rest. That comes along with the territory. I actually don't have to take on the schedule that the other guys have to take on," Michaels said. "I wrestle more on a part-time basis."

Test's Brain Looked Like Benoit's.

ESPN has filed an extensive report on brain damage to pro athletes, with the spotlight on pro wrestling as the news that Andrew "Test" Martin had Brain damage similar to Chris Benoit's at the time of his death in March of 09.

Studies showed Test had damage "stemming from repeated blows to the head". (You think? Really? You don't say!) Like Benoit, Test had "excessive amounts of tau proteins" and his brain had "lost the ability to heal itself."

The report goes on to state that Dr. Bennet Omalu, the co-director of the Brain Injury Research Institute, who conducted the study, said "Science tells us that jumping off of 10 foot ladders and slamming people with tables and chairs is simply bad for the brain."

I'd like to see the scientific studies done on this particular subject, and I'd like to know exactly what the hypothesis was, and who these people who were willing to hurt themselves in the name of science were. I'm sure WWE is LOVING this as the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs (incorrect comma usuage WWE!!) PPV is on Sunday.

To even compare Andrew Martin to Chris Benoit as far as amount of punishment on the body in a wrestling career is like comparing apples to pickled beets. Then again, Dr. Omalu is the same guy that claimed that Chris Benoit's brain resembled an 85-year-old with Alzheimer's. To hear this doctor tell it, it leaves you wondering how Benoit controlled his bowels or found his own front door, let alone went to his airport or I dunno... managed to Crippler Crossface his wife and kid to death. This is also the same doctor who hasn't provided WWE with said report about the extent of Benoit's brain injuries. So, maybe this doctor is just an attention seeking famewhore. I mean, it's not like he works at the f'n Mayo Clinic. Who ever heard of the Brain Injury Research Institute anyway?

This Man Will Kill You

Red Bull may give Ken Anderson wings, but it turns out Kennedy may give his opponents a different brand of wings. Those of the angel variety.

Eddie Guerrero and Umaga wrestled their final matches against Ken Anderson. Both grapplers would pass away mere days after facing the former Mr. Kennedy.

Best Trivia Tidbit EVER!

Dixie Carter is "incredibly naive"

Source: f4wonline.com

"From talking to people in WWE, there is said to be "pretty much no concern whatsoever" in regards to TNA's iMPACT! going head-to-head with Monday Night Raw on January 4, 2010. There is such little concern about TNA that WWE is not even looking to move Raw to three hours, though there is talk of lining up a strong guest host for the first two weeks of the new year.

Among those in WWE, the general feeling is that TNA president Dixie Carter is "incredibly naïve" and that TNA is in for a massive disappointment come January 5th when the ratings come in."

And hello! I agree. People weren't turning on the TV to see RVD or Shannon Moore (YEY!) when they were in WWE. So what's the big freakin' deal TNA? Hulk Hogan - who cares? He's marrying someone who is the same age as his daughter and was recently in the news because he wanted to make sure he got an antique toilet seat in his divorce. There are a TON of WWE fans are torqued off at Ric Flair because he was given the send off of a KING and he's throwing it all away for a romp in TNA. The only way this will be even marginally successful is if people watch out of curiosity, and I imagine even then the ratings won't hold over time. TNA does this all the time. Sting, Kurt Angle... they all brought a minor ratings surge, but the issue is that TNA does NOTHING to hold their audience.

/soapbox

They're Coming to America!

Congratulations to ECW Wrestler Vladimir Kozlov who was among those becoming US Citizens in a ceremony in Tampa, Florida. Kozlov had this to say ""Oh to be a U.S. citizen has been like a dream for long time, Kozlov said. "When I was raised and born in Russia, I had [a] dream to come to United States because U.S. [is a] land of big opportunity. If you work hard, you can reach whatever you want."

Not on Your Mark? Just LIE Down!

Last week on Raw there was some hullabaloo because Maryse appeared to have fainted. According to www.f4wonline.com Maryse actually went to do her trademark hairflip and when she realized she wasn't on the hard camera side she simply laid down on the mat to "laugh it off". I guess WWE creative is writing the excuses these days too.

NOH8

Lillian Garcia is the first WWE (former or current) Person to take part in the NOH8 movement. I thought the picture was beautiful. NOH8 promotes marriage equality. For more information http://www.noh8.org

Rest in Peace Umaga

Eddie Fatu, Jr. Known to the wrestling world as Umaga and maybe Jamal from 3 Minute warning, passed away unexpectedly.

You might not have noticed though, because WWE didn't so much as flash his picture before their program Monday.

Smackdown has lost its Edge

At the WWE House Show in San Diego on Friday night, July 3, Edge went down with an injury just minutes into his match with Jeff Hardy. Reports say that Edge went for a leapfrog over Hardy, and twisted his ankle -- which has further been confirmed as an Achilles Tendon injury. He'll be having surgery, and may be out until as late as March next year.

I have nothing funny to say about this. The man who has singlehandedly carried Smackdown on his back for the last few years, and one of my all time favorites, is now out. With Jeff Hardy's contract set to expire, the new "A" show may be hurting. They just may have to bring Dolph Ziggler into the upper midcard, and NOBODY should have to sit through that.

The cool part, though, was Edge's address to the crowd. Before being taken out of the arena on Friday, he got on the mic and said, simply, "sorry." God bless you, Adam Copeland. And please hurry back!


PS - On a side note, Edge's injury makes Hitler angry. :(

This Wasn't Smart Brother

So, Hulk Hogan is a little but distressed because his estranged wife Linda is kind of a whore, but it might not be a good idea to say things like this to the media.

Hogan tells Rolling Stone, "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

I think this speaks for itself.

Paper Doll

Chyna's second book 'Chyna - Paper Doll' is available for preorder at WorldAudience.com. The print version of the book is to be released at the end of April with the ebook already available from the publisher.

This is said to be the first of a long list of 2009 projects for the artist formerly known as Joanie Laurer.

This Spicy Little Vixen is Headed to TNA?

Dixie Carter was seen talking to the artist formally known as Victoria at a UFC show in Nashville last week. There is a lot of interest in bringing Victoria into the already crowded TNA Knockouts locker room. The deal is rumored to depend on Victoria's WWE contract and when her no compete clause expires.

Congrats Shannon & Julie Moore

Shannon Moore got married to Julie Youngberg recently and put up great pictures from their honeymoon on his MySpace. The pair dated for almost two years before sealing the deal. Both have been married once before, but this seems to be the real deal. I am so happy for Shannon.

On a side note:

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I hope you're dying inside.

More Details Emerge

ABC News out of Atlanta is reporting that Andrew "Test" Martin appears to have suffered an accidental overdose of Oxycontin. No other details were made available.

AmDrag to MMA

And a little news for the deepest darkest basement nerds to beat off to: The Wrestling Observer Newsletter is reporting that when Bryan Danielson's ROH contract expires next month, he won't renew, opting instead to make the shift to Mixed Martial Arts. American Dragon has been training in the Xtreme Couture for the past few months, and plans to continue his training in Thailand this summer.

Personally, I feel, good for him. The guy works his ass off, but he's a Benoit/Bret Hart style. Great mat technician, the kind who can get over with the smark crowd but would get largely ignored in a WWE/TNA arena. Best of luck to AmDrag in his future endeavors. :)

WWE Officials Are Upset With This Pretty Thing

Word has it that WWE officials are a tad upset with Trish Stratus about not joining the 24 Diva (not a typo) Battle Royal at the 24th Anniversary (also not a typo) of Wrestlemania this past weekend. They say that the event was born out of the reaction that she received in her one-night return on Raw in Toronto a couple months ago. Other word has it that the reason Ms. Stratus didn't join the festivities is because when she heard that she couldn't win it, and that Santino was, she declined.

Well... can ya blame her?

Who knows what this means for the future of one-off Trish appearances, but she's keeping plenty busy with her own stuff.

The Ugly Hermaphrodite May Or May Not Host Superstars

DirecTV's listings for the forthcoming return of WWE Superstars (Premiering one week from today on WGN, 8PM Eastern, 7 Central!) lists former Rock whipping boy Kevin Kelly as the host. However, Kelly is apparently telling people he won't be hosting the show.

The plot thickens...

Leave the Memories Alone...

Following the biggest waste of $55 ever last night, JBL has confirmed that "I Quit!" really means he's done, in a blog post this morning on WWE Universe (STILL hate that name).

JBL No More, Thank You.
Monday, April 6, 2009, 09:06 AM EST [General]

April 6, 2009

It doesn't get any bigger than Wrestlemania 25. WM 25 was in my home state of Texas with my childhood idols being inducted into the hall of fame.

I had wanted to make it to WM 25 for years, and when injuries cut my career short the one regret I had was that I wouldn't make the 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania-well, I made it. I never dreamed after I retired the first time that my back would get better and I would be allowed to return to wrestling.

Standing there last night in front of over 70,000 people in my home state ended a journey that was unreal to me. For a kid from Sweetwater, Texas to be able to travel all over the world and realize his dream is pretty cool.

I don't know what the future holds, never say never in life. But I have wrestled my last match. Months ago, I picked out this match. If Eddie Guerrero couldn't be here for it then my dear friend Rey was the obvious choice, and I'm proud he was.

I want to thank the WWE for a great career, for taking a chance on me and allowing me the keys to the car for a while. I will always represent the WWE wherever I go, I am proud of my 13 ½ years with the WWE. And, I am proud of the WWE for cleaning up a great sport to make it more healthy to everyone that is a part.

However, I have no current plans on doing anything in the future on a professional level with WWE. I don't plan on doing commentary, in fact; it hasn't even been brought up to me. I don't plan on being an on air character. I plan on starting the next chapter in my life, and closing the door on this one.

I have worked with some of the greatest people in the world; I have life long friends that are the best in the world. Everytime WWE is brought up or JBL, I will smile. I having nothing but great, great memories.

I have several projects that I am working on that will keep me more than busy.

I have worked with Charlie Haas to reform www.custom-muscle.com and together we plan on being the best nutrition web site in the world. Check us out, you can buy Layfield Products there, but you can also buy all the cutting edge supplements in the nutrition world there-and the plain old everyday supplements as well.

We plan on offering a full service web site, from information to updates on the world of fitness and health and of course the best prices for supplements of all kinds.

I plan on hunkering down and building my companies. I plan on building a world class distribution service in Nashville and a top notch global beverage company. I have a deal in the banking world that I hope to get done that will allow the disabled the first fully access bank online.

I have had a life that I could have only dreamed of so far, but it is my time to say thank you and go away. I have nothing but great and fond memories and I want to leave before any of that changes, I swore I would never stay too long-I have too much respect for this business to do that.

You may see me in the WWE again, I don't know-but that is not the plan. Right now, I have gotten up early today and am ready to go to work on the next part of my life that will hopefully exceed the first part.

I have been on the road for my entire adult life. I want to put the suitcases up and do my best to be successful outside of wrestling, today starts that journey.

Thanks to all you guys out there for cheering me, booing me and making signs about me. It is a little overwhelming to think of the great fans the WWE has today. I have been a bad guy for so long, and when I started you were a bad guy 24/7, I carried that mindset probably too long-well no more, today I am just a normal guy going to work.

It seems like yesterday I was sitting with my Grandfather watching wrestling, and telling him that one day I was going to be one of those guys. My grandfather never got to see me wrestle, but I am sure he is happy today. I hope Bobby Duncum Jr. and Eddie Guerrero were watching with him.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for allowing me to be a part of the great theater we call "sports entertainment", personally I just always considered myself a wrestler.

You know, I've been very vocal about my dislike for the JBL character. And the John Layfield that we always heard about on NEWZ sites, talking about being a bully to the young guys and soaping asses, I was never much of a fan either. But damn you, Jibble, for being so eloquent with this goodbye blog. You actually made me feel like I'm going to miss you... for a few seconds. In all honesty, I hope the best for him in his future endeavors, as I do everyone.

But thank you, thank you, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER for not going to the commentary booth!

You, too, can stalk Joey Styles...

I still don't get the draw of this Twitter thing. It's a status update. You can do it on Myspace or Facebook, along with like a billion other things. Having those sites, and then joining Twitter, is like having a Target or Wal-Mart in your town and then starting up a new store that sells nothing but light bulbs.

Regardless, if you want to follow Joey Styles, he's joined the flock: http://twitter.com/WWEJoeyStyles. Twit away!

Tell me... he didn't just do that.

And another one bites the dust. Legendary manager, "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart was the latest to ditch Booker T's charity event, "Legends of Wrestling," in favor of the Wrestlemania Axxess event.

This honestly upsets me. Booker's fanfest is for his "Booker T Fights For Kids" foundation. It's in the same freakin city! It's not like these people couldn't appear for an hour or two at one event, jet across town and go do the other one. This is just selfish, whether it's on the stars' part or WWE's.

Torrie Wilson, Ron Simmons, Nick Bockwinkle, Tito Santana, and now Jimmy Hart... you're on the naughty list.

Does She Or Doesn't She?

According to The Sun, Trish Stratus now says she has no commitments this weekend. Not that she's ever come right out and said she'd be at Wrestlemania anyway....

Oh, who am I kidding? This is just a thinly veiled excuse to post one of the hottest Trish pictures I've seen in forever. It's like she's crawling right towards me. I'm so over it though. Us basement nerds are always beating them off with sticks.... er, something like that.

The next wrestlers to start a band...

After recently learning that former TNA star and fortunate receiver of some strand of HBK DNA Matt Bentley had helped form a band in Orlando, Lost In Chaos, and interviewing him about it on So What If It's Fake, we've received word today that Petey Williams and the Motor Murder City Machineguns, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin, are forming a band called The High Crusade. From Petey's myspace blog:

"Things are finally complete...

Come and see the debut show of The High Crusade! The new band featuring the Motor City Machineguns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin) and Petey Williams will perform Wednesday April 9th at the Double OO Pub in Redford, Michigan. Show starts at 11:30pm.

The Double OO Pub is located at 25044 Grand River Ave. Redford, MI, 48204, (313)592 -9705"

I thought April Fool's for a minute, till realizing it was April 2. And a quick check of the venue's myspace does indeed show a "Debut of Pro Wrestlers Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin" for the 9th. Even I've grown tired of this kind of phrasing, but this is one ginormous bucket of epic, incredible win.

More details as they become available...

Oh Cena... You Slay Me... WTF is This HIGH SCHOOL?!

So, Earlier today (April 1st), it was reported on WWE.com that Vickie Guererro is pregnant and the father could be either John Cena, Edge or Big Show. If you suspected the news was an April Fool's joke, you were right. The following comes from WWE.com:

"In keeping with the April Fool’s Day tradition – not to mention, having some fun at the expense
of his opponents in the Triple Threat Title Match at WrestleMania, World Champion Edge and Big Show – John Cena has confessed to being the mastermind behind the story of Vickie Guerrero’s pregnancy. Long known to have a wicked sense of humor, Cena called the WWE.com offices to suggest that, as an April Fool's Day gag, we publish an article stating that Guerrero visited an El Paso, Texas obstetrician/gynecologist’s office for pre-natal care."


Hahaha Cena, you sligh dog you. Your jokes are just as funny as the WWE creative team. Congrats!

Okay, So I Guess This is Cool...

Vince McMahon will induct Stone Cold Steve Austin into the WWE Hall of Fame on Saturday Night, making this the first time since the WWE brought the show back in 2004 that Vince McMahon has appeared on camera. I guess that's pretty cool.

I Hate You Tazz

Tazz is gone from World Wrestling Entertainment. His WWE contract expired today and he will not be at WrestleMania on Sunday. The buzz in the WWE locker room last night was that Tazz gave WWE officials notice a few weeks ago that he would not be renewing his deal. He is leaving on good terms.Tazz reportedly had been telling friends that he is burnt out and needs some time to recharge his batteries. That said, the door is still open for him to explore other options, including TNA Wrestling, Ring of Honor or even UFC. With Tazz gone, there will now be an open spot at the SmackDown announcer's table. One name that's been talked about is John Bradshaw Layfield, who is looking to retire from the ring this year and is a former SmackDown announcer himself.

So the situation we've run into is that we won't just be getting the occasional twenty minutes of JBL now, oh no, two solid hours of his amazing input. The kind of input that makes you want to push a q-tip into your ear until your brain bleeds. Right before you realized, oh crap... I coulda changed the channel.

You know your movie sucked when...

12 Rounds sucked so bad that WWE has actually started a survey asking why YOU didn't go see it! I filled it out. I particularly liked the "I don't like John Cena" option. You should take it too!!

The Survey is HERE!!!

Vince McMahon is a Bang-Up Guy.

Kurt Angle was on Opie & Anthony yesterday, and one of the topics, of course, was steroids and his pain-killer history. According to Kurt, Vince McMahon told him to "fix it while he was on the road." This is a guy who was taking upwards of SIXTY-FIVE PILLS A DAY (twenty just to get out of bed!). Fix it while he's on the road. Thanks, Vince.

In other news, Vince was recently interviewed by the Hollywood Reporter (sounds like a bad, bad tabloid), and was asked about TNA. He said, "My concern with TNA is that they are TV-14, and we are PG. They have to change with the times. I think some of the things they do on television are reprehensible, but it is a TV-14 rating. That's the only bone I have to pick with them."

This from a guy who just 2 weeks ago had Triple H bust into Orton's house and chase him around with a sledgehammer trying to physically kill him. Who just had Orton kiss an unconscious Stephanie with Hunter handcuffed just inches away.

And besides, who died and made Vince McMahon the God of all things pro wrestling sports entertainment? Just because you decided to puss out and move away from the Attitude era stuff (which got you the major wrestling boom, by the way) doesn't mean everyone else has to. Shame on you, Vince.

We're Going to Be Seeing a Lot More Of This...

WWE announced over the weekend on their syndicated "Experience" show that Stephanie McMahon will be returning to RAW as a regular character starting tonight.

Sorry the tiny gif was all I had!! :p

RhaKurt

According to several people within the company, TNA Knockout Rhaka Khan is not well liked backstage and said to have a really bad attitude. The former WWE developmental wrestler doesn't want to train to improve in the ring and carries herself like she's a huge star, which rubs a number of people the wrong way. Since she's dating Kurt Angle, however, no one says anything to her face as her beau has a lot of political stroke in the company. Khan is in a secure spot since TNA isn't going to release her due to her relationship with the company's top star.

In other news: Rhaka Khan is dating Kurt Angle? Kurt Angle dumped KAREN for THIS?! Are you... this isn't even understandable in any way, shape or form.

In Just 365 Days...

Batista apparently went to the Philippines on a medis blitz. For what reason I'm not sure. They asked him how much longer he planned on wrestling, to which he responded that he thought he had about a year left and wanted to finish it out strong. Some tips for that, don't get yourself injured and do something to make yourself remotely interesting. From where I'm sitting, one year can't come soon enough.

So What If It's Fake with Matt Bentley

Our partner site and weekly radio show "So What If It's Fake" featured an interview with Matt Bentley last night. The archive is available as a podcast or directly from the website at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sowhatifitsfake Tune in every week for the latest wrestling news and rumors and more great interviews.

This week Matt Bentley discusses his relationship with Shawn Michaels, how he felt about his tryout match with Vladimir Kozlov and his new band Lost in Chaos.

Chyna! Chyna! Chyna!

This bitch is back. We mean that lovingly! According to Chyna's unofficial (yet very reliable) fan site Chyna has a lot of exciting projects coming up. To quote alivingwonder.com "Chyna will reportedly be on the cover of an upcoming summer issue of VANITY FAIR shot by famous photographer David Lachapelle."

The site goes on to explain a new book that the artist formerly known as Joanie Laurer is working on. "More details on Chyna's upcoming book have been released, The book will be called, Paper Doll containing fashion photos and short stories by Chyna and her stylist/photographer Emilio O."

This woman has had such a trying time for the better part of 7 years. I'm not even going to say anything snarky today. Good for her.

(The above photo is copyrighted to Chyna/9th Wonder Inc. & Emilio O.)

Like Father, Like Son

Reid Flair, the son of the legendary Ric Flair, and reported WWE Development Wrestler was arrested on March 4 for driving while impaired. He posted $1000 bail and was released. Expect Ric Flair to make more appearances with WWE to cover his son's legal bills.

Tammy "Sunny" Sytch to Appear at WM25

The artist formally known as Sunny is set to appear at WM25. In a recent interview she hinted at a full time return to the WWE and being apprehensive about it. In the same interview she said that she's 36 years old and people often mistake her for a 28 year old. So clearly she was just full of filthy lies in this interview.

RIP

I think it's too soon for my usual rude comments about people.

RIP Test. Thanks for giving your life to a sport that you loved.

As If Anyone Cared...

Brock Lesnar wants everyone to know his wife Sable won't be at Wrestlemania because she's knocked out. Congratulations to everyone who won't have to be subjected to Sable on their TV screens.

*Edited 10 hours later - Knocked up. She's knocked up. Although where Lesnar is concerned I can see where domestic violence might have been questioned.

Remember when this was supposed to happen?

Remember when this poster was circulating the internets and everyone got all excited, only to find it was a fake? Well, the match (or a version of it) is finally scheduled to take place, and WWE wants to shut it down.

Great Lakes Championship Wrestling out of Waukesha, WI, is promoting a match this Saturday, March 21, where Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, formerly of the NWO, take on BG and Kip James, formerly known as Road Dogg and Billy Gunn of DX fame. WWE has sent these people a cease and desist letter, claiming that the company is promoting the event as an official WWE event. Promoter Dave Herro says this is not the case, and the show will go on as scheduled.

Aptly named. Herro is my new hero!

A-Happy Birthday!

Saturday was Santino Marella's birthday. He turned 30. I also turn 30 this year.

Santino travels the world to be a prop for one of the manliest (yet, somehow, prettiest) women's wrestlers in history, and once in a while to do a job, while I sit at home in my comfortable bed writing about him. I think we all know who's doing better with their life. :)

Somebody's going to be in the doghouse...

In a recent interview with the Boston Herald, John Cena said he was set to marry his high school sweetheart in July. However, in an appearance on "Despierta America" on Univision last Tuesday, he apparently made it clear to the females in the audience that he's still single and looking.

Let's see... monster push? Check. Crappy movie career? Check. Beloved by women and children? Check. Changing stories from interview to interview? Check.... it's true! He IS the next Hogan!

Too much JBL for one week...

There's been way too much JBL on here recently for my liking, but it seems that won't last too much longer. Dave Melzer is reporting that JBL has been telling people he's going to retire soon. Apparently his back is bothering him. Probably from carrying that monstrous gut around.

And the most hype for the littlest payoff award goes too...

WWE future endeavored Kizarny today. Surprise. Surprise.

Sonjay Dutt says Everyone Wants to be in WWE

...In other breaking news, the sky is blue! Dutt, who recently left TNA, had this to say:

"Any professional wrestler - ask everybody in TNA no matter where you are - they're going to want to be in WWE. That's the top; that's the best. Every professional wrestler deep down in their heart wants to be in WWE."

That's like saying all players in the AFL want to be stars in the NFL...it doesn't exactly take a genius to figure out! He goes on to say something about TNA having an easy schedule and the WWE schedule being crazy and hectic... basically he calls TNA the easy option, better suited to guys who have already done the crazy road life and want to kick back a little.

OH! So that's why everyone in the TNA main event scene is over 40. Now it all makes sense! Lazy motherfuckers should just go sell cars or something. Let the Motorcity Machine Guns, Beer Money, AJ Styles and guys like that do the wrestling.

Don't upset the Kong!

Does this look like the kinda chick you want on your bad side? Nope...didn't think so, but apparently TNA aren't as intimidated by her as most normal human beings. PW Torch is reporting that TNA Knockout Awesome Kong is upset with her TNA contract. Apparently she gets paid even less than newcomer Brutus Magnus... yeah, that gladiator guy who can't talk or wrestle for shit makes more money than the center point of the TNA Knockouts division. Smart!

Kong rightfully believes she has done more for the company than Magnus and sees herself as an asset. She has a point. At least they didn't just hire her because they saw her the British version of American Gladiators.

It was a LIE! (In the wrestling business? NO!)

JBL posted a new WWE Universe blog to clear things up. It seems the monkeys who do the reporting (not us - the people we stole it from) got it wrong. JBL is not buying OVW. Below are his comments.

"I want to be clear about OVW, Danny Davis is the owner-I am not buying OVW nor any interest in OVW. Layfield Energy is merely taking over as his main sponsor and advertiser. I see an opportunity to advertise our products and grow our distribution in Kentucky.

I wouldn't have done this if it weren't for Danny, but I think it is a good marketing vehicle for Layfield Energy. So I want to be clear, I am not in the wrestling business other than as a sponsor and that money will be able to keep OVW going on TV-which I am very happy and proud to do."

So there ya have it! No bullying on the cards for JBL, other than his usual backstage routine at WWE that is.