MAJOR SMACKDOWN SPOILER

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So, apparently, at last night's Smackdown taping, Jack Thwagger cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a bandaged-up Chris Jericho, and found a way to defeat him. Ladies and Gentlemen, your new World Heavyweight Champion... Jack Swagger.

I have no words. Ok, I lied, I have a few. For starters.... REALLY?! Alright, I know that I've been hella critical of WWE's booking decisions in the past, at how they keep the same old tired people in the main event, etc etc. I know that I say I wish they'd push younger talent. But... Jack Swagger? Sheamus? Using the word "talent" in relation to these guys is a bit of a stretch. Especially when it comes to Swagger. He somehow finds a way to sound even more wooden and rehearsed on the mic than Chris Masters, and that's hard to do. Dude is still green as hell in the ring, a big powerhouse with a few nice moves but overall still has a looong way to go. And I don't care if it's a cheap shot - the lisp HAS to go. WWE is a multi-billion-dollar worldwide conglomerate, surely they can find a few bucks in the budget for a vocal coach. That lisp is not Vickie Guerrero "excuse me" heat, it's "well, time for a piss break" heat.

Ashlee's world title rant aside, those belts are supposed to mean something. Holding the world title, while it IS "planned out," is still a reward for your hard work and dedication to the company. It's your reward for being over with the crowd, and doing all you can to entertain the fans. Jack Swagger's the guy who hadn't won a match since the start of the year, and had been buried in Raw midcard/undercard purgatory. And once he loses the belt, I promise you this, he's going right back there. He's the guy who hasn't done a thing in months, and comes out of absolutely nowhere to win MITB and then cash in and win the title. WWE seems to have this backwards -- putting the world title on someone does not put them over. They need to BE over, chase the title, and THEN win it. Remember how emotional it was when Shawn Michaels' "boyhood dream" came true? Remember when Mrs. Foley's baby boy finally won the big one? Remember how incredible the moment was when Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit hugged in the middle of all the confetti, two best friends as World Champions to close out Wrestlemania XX? Hell, even CM Punk cashing in on Edge kicked off the "anarchy" story arc on Raw before McMahon returned. These are supposed to be the moments that mean something. Putting the title on Swagger, or Sheamus, or any of these OMG moments where a young guy wins the title out of nowhere, serves no purpose but to de-value the title. You might as well put the title on Kung Fu Naki, it doesn't mean it's going to get him over. It IS possible to use an unexpected title win to push a guy into superstardom (see the aforementioned CM Punk), but the guy has to, you know, be a little bit over beforehand. Jack Swagger is not now, nor has he ever been, a true superstar. Same thing with the Sheamus run. Swagger is just another in a long line of failed, transitional, champions.

And to think... Christian is RIGHT THERE. Over as hell. Could have easily been in the same spot Swagger is in, and it would have made some lick of sense. A Jericho-Christian-Edge 3-way feud for the title on Smackdown would have been incredible. Which brings up another point - Christian has been back in WWE for over a year, and has had, what, 1 backstage run-in with Edge? I'm all for character development, but COME ON. I'm not asking for goofy glasses and 5 second poses. I just want a chance to remember the good old days when the E in WWE actually existed.

Instead, we get Jack Swagger, World Heavyweight Champion. Jack Fucking Thwagger.

And people wonder why I watch TNA.